Angry All The Time
by IndigoCaress
Summary: Completed!!!! Reach Ch 20 to see the conclusion. Please read and review. Thanks so much!
1. Angry All The Time

TITLE: Angry All The Time  
  
AUTHOR: Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com)  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the 7th Heaven characters, but as a writer I claim the right to alter facts and fill in blanks as needed...Please don't sue me. I'm writing only for fun. Any unfamiliar faces are figments of my twisted imagination.  
  
CHARACTERS: The Camden family and a few other familiar faces. Possibly some new faces. Features Lucy in the lead role  
  
SUMMARY: Lucy ponders life with Kevin.  
  
SPOILERS: None, really.  
  
ARCHIVE: Sure, just let me know  
  
FEEDBACK: Definitely! JjsLuckyStar@aol.com  
  
WARNING: This fic deals with domestic violence. Please do not read if you think you will be upset by such issues.  
  
Angry All The Time  
A 7th Heaven Song Fic by Lucky Star  
Using Tim McGraw's "Angry All The Time"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
Here we are  
What is left of a husband and a wife four good kids  
Who have a way of gettin on with their lives  
I'm not old but I'm getting a whole lot older every day  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I put the plate on the table in front of my husband, turning it just right, just the way he liked it. He turned his chin up to look at me, his eyes hard and cold. Distant. Angry. "You know I like my eggs on the right, bacon and toast on the left." The tone of his voice matched the threat in his eyes.   
  
I nodded meekly and turned the plate as he said. Yesterday he wanted eggs on the left, bacon and toast on the right. "I'm sorry, Kevin." My voice sounded pathetic, weak, miserable. He would never allow me to get it right the first time. He would always be right, I would be forever wrong. Every time.  
  
He grabbed my wrist, held it tight in the circle of his fingers. "Don't let it happen again." He hissed. "You know how I like my plate." He stared at me with those cold, angry eyes. He looked so old. Old and angry and bitter. A terrible way to live, but he wasn't alone in his misery. He made sure day and night that I was suffering right there with him. More than him.   
  
"Of course, Kevin." I hate myself every time I cowered under him, but I had little choice with his hand gripping my wrist so tightly. "I'll be more careful next time." I tucked my chin to my chest, submissive, braced for the blow of his fist.  
  
"Damn straight you will." He squeezed my wrist before releasing it with a jerk. He didn't hit me. He just threw me away from him. I stumbled backward, colliding with the counter. At least it kept me from falling.   
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
It's too late to keep from goin' crazy  
I got to get away  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I looked up at the ceiling, a silent thank you for that mercy, offered to a God I regularly questioned now. I could hear the kids coming down the stairs. They wouldn't find me on the floor this morning.  
  
Or any other morning, I decided, right then and there. No more. Once Kevin went off to work, I would pack a few small bags, load the minivan with only the essentials, and pick up the kids from school. We would be half way to Illinois before dinner. And we would never look back.  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
The reasons that I can't stay don't have a thing to do with being in love  
And I understand that lovin a man shouldn't have to be this rough  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Maybe I should have paid more attention in the beginning. Back when Kevin lived in the garage apartment at my parent's house. When he wouldn't tell me about his past girl friends, or even if he had ever slept with another woman.  
  
Maybe it was none of my business, but I wanted to know.   
  
There were so many things about Kevin I didn't know.  
  
I knew he had a temper, I just didn't know how violent he could be. And I certainly never thought, would never have believed, he would unleash it on me. He didn't let that show until after the wedding.   
  
There were little things, once I started paying attention. Cold, hard glares, locked jaw, grinding teeth, tight fists, heavy steps.   
  
I guess I loved him enough to over look those things. I loved him enough to believe he would never hurt me.  
  
We were married just three weeks the first time. He had been back at work two weeks, after a week in Hawaii. He'd been cited for using excessive force in pursuing a perpetrator. I knew he was upset, I knew he was on a short fuse.   
  
I never thought he would go off on me.  
  
"Come to bed, baby." I thought making love might ease his burden.   
  
Eyes fixed to the TV, he didn't even look at me. "I'm watching the game," he said simply. Toneless.  
  
I should have left him alone. Why didn't I leave him alone? If I had just gone on to bed he wouldn't have hit me then, and maybe he never would have.  
  
"You're so tense." I stood behind his chair and set my hands to work rubbing his shoulders.  
  
"Don't touch me!" He was on his feet, fists shaking. I cowered from him, not because I thought he would hit me but because he was so angry. I knew he could hurt me. I just never thought...But he did hit me. His fist rammed into my face. Hard. I reeled backward from the intensity of the impact. Dizzy. Disoriented. Terrified.  
  
The pain resonated through my body. Every bone, every muscle ached. My heart beat so fast and so loud in my ears I thought it would explode right then and there. I wanted to run. I couldn't move.  
  
"I'm so sorry, baby." Kevin stepped toward me, his arms out. I felt like a child. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm upset. You know I'm upset. I just...I'm sorry." He gathered me up in his arms and held me against his chest. His hands felt so good, so strong and reassuring.   
  
I loved him enough to forget.   
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
You ain't the only one Who feels like this world left you far behind  
I don't know why you gotta be Angry All The Time  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I explored religion when I was a teenager. I studied several different religions, and realised they are all fundamentally the same. It's all about love and faith. I struggled with both as the abuse continued.  
  
I dropped out of seminary school because I couldn't keep saying I bumped into a door or fell down the stairs. People were starting to catch on, and I couldn't risk being found out. Kevin said he would kill me if I ever told. Then he would fly to California and kill my parents, my brothers, my sisters, nieces, nephews. Everyone I loved.  
  
I couldn't go to the police for help, Kevin was a cop. A cop with a reputation for getting his man. A cop other cops respected because he got the job done.  
  
I couldn't go to my family because...because I just couldn't. They believed Kevin and I were happy. They needed to believe it. I wanted them to believe it. They could never know the truth. They thought I left school to start my family. Someone had to stay home with the children.  
  
Spousal abuse happens to other people, not Camdens. Not me.   
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
Our boys are strong the spittin image of you when you were young  
I hope someday they can see past what you have become  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I told Rory Anne we were going on a special trip. She jumped up and down and danced around the kitchen, her baby soft curls bouncing wildly. Rory Anne. My innocent baby.   
  
We picked Kevin Jr, Caroline, and Brian up from school at lunch time. The kids thought it was cool to leave early, for our special trip.  
  
"Is Daddy meeting us somewhere?" Caroline asked. We had been driving almost an hour.   
  
I looked at her in the rearview mirror. Rory Anne and Brian were sound asleep, heads bent together. A beautiful picture. Damn it. I forgot the camera. "No, baby. Daddy's not coming. He's at work." My voice cracked, and tears filled my eyes. I blinked to deny them release. I couldn't cry now. Not now. Not in the car. Not in front of the children.  
  
I should tell them why we were leaving.  
  
"Mom?" I looked at Kevin Jr and tried to smile. He didn't smile back. Kevin Jr was the spitting image of his father, with out the cold hardness in his eyes. He could always see right through me, through the lies, through the pain.   
  
"I'm okay, baby," I told him. He shook his head. He didn't believe me. I knew he wouldn't, even before I said the words. As a mother, I just want to comfort my children, make them feel safe. Especially now.  
  
"We're not going home, are we?" He asked and I knew I couldn't lie to him. I didn't have to. He knew. He always knew. "You're doing the right thing, Mom." My boy would make a fine man someday. Someday soon. Too soon.  
  
I wasn't ready for him, for any of them, to grow up.  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
I remember every time I said I'd never leave  
What I can't live with is memories of the way you used to be  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Later that night, we stopped at a cheap hotel. I didn't have much money. With a little luck I had enough to make it to Glen Oak. If Kevin didn't find us first.   
  
I stared at the phone. I should call my parents. Tell them I'm coming. Warn them because Kevin would be looking for me. Kevin had probably already called them. Threatened them. Or maybe he wouldn't have tipped his hand. With Kevin, I could never be sure. Maybe I shouldn't call. They wouldn't know anything if I didn't call. They wouldn't be lying when they told Kevin they hadn't heard from me.  
  
After everyone else had gone to sleep, I sat in the chair just looking at my beautiful children. Kevin Jr and Brian lay with their backs to each other. Caroline had her arms around Rory Anne. My beautiful babies.  
  
The only good that ever came out of my marriage.  
  
He had seemed so perfect in the beginning. I'd been attracted to him the moment we met, in the airport at Buffalo. And the spooky coincidence that his brother was none other than Mary's fireman boyfriend Ben, that sealed it. Like God had brought me to him, my destiny.  
  
I trusted God to take care of things then.  
  
And when Kevin transferred from Buffalo, New York to Glen Oak, California, I knew it was fate. He loved me, and I loved him. Marriage was the next step.   
  
That's what I wanted.  
  
And the first three weeks were beautiful. Perfect. Like a chapter in a fairy tale.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
End Part One. I appreciate your time and I really would like to know your thoughts. Please let me know what you think. Thanks! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	2. It's Hard Letting You Go

TITLE: Angry All The Time  
Chapter Two: (It's Hard) Letting You Go  
  
AUTHOR: Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com)  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the 7th Heaven characters, but as a writer I claim the right to alter facts and fill in blanks as needed...Please don't sue me. I'm writing only for fun. Any unfamiliar faces are figments of my twisted imagination.  
  
CHARACTERS: The Camden family and a few other familiar faces. Possibly some new faces. Features Lucy in the lead role  
  
SUMMARY: Lucy has left Kevin and is making her way back to Glen Oak with her four kids (Kevin Jr, Caroline, Brian, and Rory Anne)  
  
SPOILERS: None, really.  
  
ARCHIVE: Sure, just let me know  
  
FEEDBACK: Definitely! JjsLuckyStar@aol.com  
  
WARNING: This fic deals with domestic violence. Please do not read if you think you will be upset by such issues.  
  
Angry All The Time  
Chapter 2/?   
A 7th Heaven Song Fic by Lucky Star  
Using Bon Jovi's (It's Hard) Letting You Go  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
It ain't no fun lying down to sleep   
And there ain't no secrets left for me to keep   
I wish the stars up in the sky   
Would all just call in sick   
And the clouds would take the moon out   
On some one-way trip  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Kevin Kinkirk usually stopped for a beer after work every evening. Tonight he headed straight home. Lucy hadn't answered the phone at all. Completely unlike her. Completely unacceptable. She knew better. And there was only one reason she would not answer the phone.  
  
Kevin sighed as he let himself into the house. The minivan was gone. Lucy was gone. Finally. Part of him wondered what had taken her so long. Thirteen years and four kids. She should have been gone long ago. The other part resented her for it. For leaving. Getting out.  
  
He never meant to get so out of control. He'd lost his head once, then twice. Three times. Four. And before long it was habit. Routine. Normal. Expected. Sometimes worth it just for the making up. When he held her in his arms, when he kissed her trembling lips, when he felt her surrender to his touch...  
  
And he felt like total scum on the bottom of his shoe for even thinking it. He knew he was a monster. He had stood by and watched it happen. Little by little, day by day until he barely recognized himself.   
  
Every day played the same, week after week, month after month, year after year. Lucy fixed his breakfast, and he belittled her in some way to start his day feeling strong and dominant. Hardly fair to Lucy, but a huge boost to his ego.   
  
He hated his job most days, and hated his partner every day. When he chose to sign on as a police officer, he imagined car chases like on TV and the movies every day. He thought he would walk the streets with a gun in one hand, a billy club I the other. He thought he would have the infinite power.  
  
He didn't day dream about sitting at a desk or worse, sitting in a stuffy car with Frank Yates on long, boring stake outs. He didn't think about sitting around at all.   
  
He needed action, adventure. He needed a challenge. He needed something to get his blood boiling, his heart pumping. He never meant to take it out on Lucy. It just happened...And when it was done he couldn't take it back.  
  
Kevin fixed a ham sandwich for dinner, a chore he had not had to do himself for thirteen years, except the few times Lucy was in the hospital. He threw it away after two half-hearted bites, and washed it down with a cold beer.  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
I drove all night down streets that wouldn't bend   
But somehow they drove me back here once again   
To the place I lost at love, and the place I lost my soul   
I wish I'd just burn down this place that we called home   
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
He dreaded the climb up the stairs to the bedroom without Lucy.   
  
After two hours tossing and turning, he got up and stood in the shower. Hot water did little to cleanse his aching soul. He had finally gotten what he deserved.  
  
He closed his eyes and imagined the house in flames. Let his miserable, pathetic, monstrous life go up in smoke. It would be a fitting end, he knew. Leave nothing more than a pile of ashes. Maybe that was more than he deserved.  
  
He never deserved Lucy, that much he knew for certain.  
  
He remembered how spunky she had been that day in the airport, after security confiscated her bag. How she had made outrageous threats, how she had stood her ground even when the odds stacked higher and higher against her. He had fallen instantly in love with her.   
  
And this is how he repaid her? By making her life a living hell for thirteen years?  
  
She hadn't seen it coming, and quit honestly, neither had he. He was sitting, watching the game one night after a particularly rough day at work. He reacted to her hands, touching him, invading his space, and he'd blown a fuse as he lunged to his feet, fists swinging. He had been just as shocked as she looked. He would never forget the shadow of fear and disappointment in her eyes. He had let her down.   
  
He would have done anything to take it back. Instead he let it happen again and again, over and over, thousands of time, maybe millions.  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
It would all have been so easy   
If you'd only made me cry   
And told me how you're leaving me   
To some organ grinder's lullaby   
It's hard, so hard - it's tearing out my heart   
It's hard letting you go   
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Kevin turned off the shower long after the water had run cold. He dressed in jeans and a T-shirt and stood in the middle of his bedroom. Her bedroom. Their bedroom. The room looked like no one lived in it. Less personal than a hotel room, if that was possible. No cozy, friendly, appealing pictures on the walls. No wedding pictures, no pictures of the kids lined up on the dresser. Nothing personal anywhere in sight. Just furniture and walls. Plain, like their lives.  
  
So many times he had imagined Lucy confronting him, refusing to take another blow. He needed her to force him to admit he had a problem. Even though he knew his anger was out of control, he couldn't face it on his own, and he didn't have to face it at all as long as she let him get away with it.   
  
He'd thought about leaving her, many times. He knew she and the kids would be better off without him. She would go home, to her parents and her family. They would never hurt her. He would never do it, though. Could never do it. He loved her too much, and he was selfish.   
  
He turned from the room and shut off the light. If Lucy could leave, so could he.  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
Now the sky, it shines a different kind of blue   
And the neighbor's dog don't bark like he used to   
Well - me, these days I just miss you - it's the nights that I go insane   
Unless you're coming back for me   
That's one thing I know that won't change   
It's hard, so hard - it's tearing out my heart It's hard letting you go   
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Kevin sat in his car, in the garage, hunched over the steering wheel crying. How had he let it go this far? How had it come to this? He banged his head against the hard metal and thought about turning the engine on, put himself out of his misery.   
  
Instead he raised the garage and put the car in reverse. He would just have to follow her to Glen Oak and beg forgiveness there.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
End Part Two. I tried to paint Kevin somewhat sympathetically. Let me know what you think! Thanks. Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	3. Vincent

TITLE: Angry All The Time  
Chapter Three: Coming Home  
  
AUTHOR: Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com)  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the 7th Heaven characters, but as a writer I claim the right to alter facts and fill in blanks as needed...Please don't sue me. I'm writing only for fun. Any unfamiliar faces are figments of my twisted imagination.  
  
CHARACTERS: The Camden family and a few other familiar faces. Possibly some new faces. Features Lucy in the lead role  
  
SUMMARY: Lucy has left Kevin and is making her way back to Glen Oak with her four kids (Kevin Jr, Caroline, Brian, and Rory Anne)  
  
SPOILERS: None, really.  
  
ARCHIVE: Sure, just let me know  
  
FEEDBACK: Definitely! JjsLuckyStar@aol.com  
  
WARNING: This fic deals with domestic violence. Please do not read if you think you will be upset by such issues.  
  
Angry All The Time  
Chapter 3/?   
A 7th Heaven Fic by Lucky Star  
  
I had to believe I had made the right choice, not only for myself, but for the children as well. They were tired and cranky, no longer excited about a cross country trip to visit Granny and Grandpa Camden. They were instead missing their friends, and the comforts of home. Was I acting selfishly to uproot them like this, without giving them a choice? Without letting them say good bye to their father?  
  
Brian and Rory Anne fussed and argued constantly until one of them fell asleep, and the one left awake turned to Caroline for entertainment. Caroline complained about one thing or another every few minutes, and muttered under her breath in between. She more than once told me she hated me because I didn't bring her headphones so she could listen to her music.  
  
Kevin Jr ignored them all, preferring to keep his head bent over a word find puzzle book he bought with the lunch money he didn't use at school last week. His moods fluctuated rapidly, swinging from approval and understanding of the situation to ignorance and confusion.  
  
"Mom?" Kevin Jr sat up straighter and turned a little in his seat to look at me.  
  
"Yeah baby?" I glanced at him, but kept my focus on the road.  
  
He didn't say anything for a long moment. Silence reigned in the back seat. Brian and Rory Anne had both fallen asleep, giving Caroline some peace. She sat slumped over with her forehead pressed to the window.  
  
"I don't want his name."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Kevin. Kevin Jr. It's his name. I want my own name." He sounded so sure of himself, so grown up. My little boy. Twelve years old going on thirty.  
  
I nodded. I didn't want to name him Kevin Jr in the first place. Kevin insisted upon it. He would have named them all Kevin if he could. "Do you have a name picked out?"  
  
"Will you let me change it?" The little boy was back, hesitant and unsure.  
  
"We'll talk about it."   
  
He looked down at his hands twisted together in his lap. I could almost see the wheels turning in his head. After a moment, he looked up at me again.  
  
"I was thinking about Vincent, because it still has part of Kevin in it, but it's still different."  
  
I nodded, and pushed a hand through my hair. Vincent. Not a bad name. A strong name. A good, masculine name. Not Irish, like the names his father preferred, and not Biblical like I would have chosen, but a nice name. Vincent Kinkirk. It had a nice ring to it.  
  
"You know it will take time for everyone to get used to it."  
  
"I know."  
  
I reached across the seat to pat his knee. He reached down and clasped my hand. I had definitely made the right choice.   
  
"He hurt you bad sometimes, didn't he?"  
  
I checked the children in the back. Caroline's head had fallen back, her eyes closed in sleep.  
  
"Yes. Sometimes," I answered, and hoped he didn't expect details. How do you discuss something like spousal abuse with a twelve year old boy?  
  
Kev-Vincent returned to his word seek puzzle, but seemed unable to locate a word. After a few silent minutes, he looked up and stared out the window. "I'm glad you left. And they will be too, when they're old enough to understand what happened."  
  
"I hope so." I felt my throat tightening, and tears filling my eyes.   
  
"You'll be safe with Granny and Grandpa. They won't let him hurt you anymore."  
  
I nodded, and the first tears fell. Such a smart, brave boy. Such a wonderful, beautiful boy.   
  
"I won't let him hurt you anymore, Mom," he added under his breath, so I let it go without comment because I knew he didn't mean for me to hear.  
  
We would be in California soon, and hopefully to my parent's house by the next evening. I wanted to push myself, drive all night to get there as soon as I could, but the children needed to get out and stretch, and I needed to rest.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
End chapter three. Please R/R and tell me what you think! Thanks! Lucjy Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	4. Home Coming

TITLE: Angry All The Time  
Chapter Four: Home Coming  
  
AUTHOR: Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com)  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the 7th Heaven characters, but as a writer I claim the right to alter facts and fill in blanks as needed...Please don't sue me. I'm writing only for fun. Any unfamiliar faces are figments of my twisted imagination.  
  
WARNING: This fic deals with domestic violence. Please do not read if you think you will be upset by such issues.  
  
Angry All The Time  
Chapter 4/?  
Home Coming  
  
My parents still lived in the same old house from my childhood. The house the church gave them when Dad came to Glen Oak Community Church. It looked bigger than I remembered. And so many windows. I didn't remember so many windows.  
  
I stopped the car and just sat there blinking back the tears. The children were all sleeping, except Kev-Vincent. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, looked at me and reached out to pat my hand, his silence saying more than words ever could.  
  
"Stay with them," I whispered, and he nodded. I slipped out of the car, leaving the door open so it wouldn't wake the children when it closed. I took several deep breaths and concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other to keep my steps steady.  
  
I felt strange knocking on the door. My parent's house. The house I grew up in. I shouldn't have to knock. I didn't have a key.  
  
I focused on my breathing to keep the thoughts at bay. After several minutes, I accepted the fact no one was going to answer. What if Kevin had called them? He could have threatened them. He could have flown out here and been here days ago. I should have called them. Days ago. The first night. I should have called them.  
  
I'll never forgive myself if...No. Stop it. Kevin would never...I had to block those thoughts. Once they started, I would break down and I couldn't. Not here, not now. Not in front of the children.   
  
I felt my knees weaken. Tears filled my eyes and spilled over. I leaned against the door and gave in. I just couldn't fight it any more.   
  
"Mom?"   
  
"Stay with the kids, Vincent," I called out to him. "Take them out to run in the back yard. I'll be all right in a minute." I listened to the sounds of the children climbing out of the car. I knew Vincent didn't want to leave me, but he would do as I asked. He would take care of the other children.  
  
Five minutes later, or maybe ten, I looked up at the sound of a car pulling into the drive. I wiped my eyes and my cheeks and squinted with my hand against my forehead to shield the harsh glow from the sun. Simon? My heart fluttered at the sight of my brother as he got out of his car.   
  
"Luce?" He crossed the yard with wide legged strides. My little brother wasn't so little anymore. He was quite the man, tall and solid, sturdy. I never realized how much Vincent looked like him. Thank goodness Vincent didn't get the thick eyebrows.  
  
I pulled on my blouse to straighten it, to make myself look better. More presentable, more like the sister he used to know. I felt a new wave of tears pushing at the surface. I didn't want to cry again. Not now.   
  
"Luce, what are you doing here?"  
  
"I brought the kids to see Mom and Dad." He looked around, searching for his nieces and nephews. "Vincent took them out back."  
  
"Vincent?"  
  
"Kevin Jr. He wants to be called Vincent now." Simon deserved some kind of medal if he understood even a word I said. I couldn't understand myself, my words so thick with the tears I struggled to keep unshed.  
  
Simon took both my hands in his and brought them together like a sandwich. "Where's Kevin?"  
  
I shook my head and my mouth moved but there were no words. The tears came. Rushing, like a river. Flowing like rain. Simon pulled me against him, held me to his chest, stroked my hair. He smelled like cologne and sweat and baby food. I tried to think how old the baby would be. The days all blurred together. I couldn't remember. Three months? Four? Maybe six or seven. Horror rose like a bubble in my throat when I realized I couldn't even remember the baby's name. I'm a terrible aunt, a horrible sister.  
  
"Let's get you inside," Simon jiggled his keys to get the right one to open the door. I didn't want him to let go. I wanted to lose myself in the solid warmth of him.   
  
He led me to the kitchen and offered to fix me something to eat or drink. I refused both. He busied himself rearranging things on the counter to give me time to regroup.  
  
"It's really no trouble."  
  
"I'm fine, Simon. Really."   
  
"You don't look it."  
  
"I left Kevin." The words came easily, more easily than I had thought. I left Kevin. Just like that, I said it. I left Kevin.  
  
Simon put his hand on my shoulder. It felt like Dad's hand. I turned my face to his chest again, and he wrapped his arms around me.  
  
I mostly remembered Simon as a bratty little kid, or an insolent teenager. By the time his hormones leveled out and his attitude calmed down, I was long gone, living in Buffalo with my husband. I always wondered how Simon would turn out, I figured he would fall by the way side and disappoint the family somehow.   
  
"You're safe here, Luce."  
  
"I know." I whispered and lay my cheek against his shoulder.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End chapter 4. Tell me what you think! Please R/R. Thanks! Lucky Star (JJsLUckyStar@aol.com) 


	5. Simon and Victoria

WARNING: This fic deals with domestic violence. Please do not read if you think you will be upset by such issues.  
  
Angry All The Time  
Chapter 5/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star  
  
Simon didn't have to show me the pictures of his kids from his wallet. Mom and Dad had dozens of them lying around.   
  
"This one is my favorite," He smiled and handed me a frame off the kitchen counter. It showed two precious little girls dressed in white angel outfits, the older one holding her baby sister. I wanted to cry because I still couldn't think of their names.  
  
Kevin kept my contact with my family at a minimum. He refused to allow long distance phone calls and often intercepted the calls from my family. I looked at Simon and wondered if he had any idea what hell I lived in, what hell I had run from.  
  
"Autumn is such a great kid. She's in preschool this year." He beamed, absolutely glowed with pride. I nodded. Autumn. The older one is Autumn. She must be about the same age as Rory Anne.  
  
I looked down, and a tear plopped onto the glass. Simon set the picture down and once again gathered me in his arms. Victoria really got lucky with him, I thought, and felt a little relief at least I remembered his wife's name.  
  
"What is it, honey?" Simon asked softly. The voice he must use with Autumn sometimes, I thought.   
  
I shook my head and looked up at him. "Simon, I can't remember the baby's name."  
  
The corners of his mouth twitched. "It's Isabel. We call her Bella."  
  
"How old is she?"  
  
"Four and a half months."  
  
I gnawed on my bottom lip trying to keep the tears at bay. Of course it didn't work, it never worked, and I buried my face in my hands.  
  
Simon patted my shoulders and assured me it would be all right. "I'll take you and the kids to my place tonight, Luce," he offered. "Mom and Dad won't be home until tomorrow sometime."  
  
I nodded. "Thank you, Simon. Thank you for being here." It was luck that had him drop by to check on the house when I happened to be there. Maybe God was still watching out for me, after all.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I leaned against the column on the back porch watching Simon with my children. He ran with them around the yard, tossing an old soccer ball between them, his steps wide and awkward when he ran, deliberately off balance so he wouldn't over run them. Brian and Rory Anne loved it, their giggles a sure sign.  
  
Caroline tried not to look at him too much, and the rosy tint to her cheeks betrayed her face of indifference. She had a crush on him, I could tell, as only a mother can tell.  
  
Vincent regarded Simon from a safe distance, seeming to check him out. More than once when he glanced at me, I nodded and smiled. He could trust Simon, I wanted him to know. Simon would never hurt him, or me, as his father had done.  
  
I almost laughed out loud when I realized I felt a little sorry for Kevin. I felt sorry for him because he could have had all this, and he missed it. He stifled it and denied it and cheated himself out of it.  
  
I closed my eyes and thought of him. Kevin. My husband. Wondered where he was, and how he was dealing with my disappearance. I hadn't completely convinced myself I had seen the last of him, and I lived in fear of him showing up here in Glen Oak.  
  
I thought of the day I met him, in the airport in Buffalo. He had seemed so cocky and arrogant, standing there in his police uniform, his stance conveying the power. He had the power that day, he could have had me arrested and thrown in jail on terrorist threats. I wondered, as I had wondered many times over the years when I felt drawn back to that fateful day, what made him let me off the hook? What did he see in me that made him want to go out with me?  
  
What made me want to go out with him? I'd seen the hardness in his eyes, right from the start. I justified it with the fact he was a cop. Cops have to have a certain amount of emotional detachment to do their job, I thought. Must be hard day after day to see the things a cop sees. Especially in a big city like Buffalo.  
  
Even as I got to know Kevin better, I held on to that thought. He had to be cold and hard and unemotional to maintain his job.   
  
He said loved me. He told me almost every time I saw him or talked to him on the phone. And I believed him. I loved him, too. I wanted to marry him. I thought marrying him would help him calm down inside.  
  
I realized that the day my father had open heart surgery. Faced with the possibility of losing my dad, I realized just how much Kevin needed me. It wasn't about me or my fears like he thought. I wanted to help him.   
  
I tried to tell Kevin I was ready then, ready for him to ask me, ready to commit my life to him forever. I should have paid attention to his reasons when he rejected me that day.   
  
I shivered with a sudden gust of air. My hands rubbed opposite arms in an attempt to fight a chill. I blinked and came back to the present. My brother, Simon, playing ball with my children in my parent's yard.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Victoria appeared in the doorway the moment we pulled up. Simon drove my van and left his car at Moma nd Dad's. Little Autumn clung to her mother's leg until she saw her father climb out of the driver's seat. She tore across the yard as fast as her little legs could carry her. Simon knelt and caught her in his arms.   
  
"How's my princess?"  
  
"Good. Bella cried a lot."  
  
"Did she?" I opened the side door of the van to let the kids out, and couldn't hear the rest of the conversation between Simon and his daughter. I tried not to watch, but curiosity caught me peering out the window as Simon carried Autumn to the porch. He put her down beside Victoria, kissed Victoria's cheek, and took the baby from her.  
  
I couldn't hear the words, but I knew he was asking her how her day was. She looked tired. I didn't have to be close to see the dark circles under her eyes.  
  
"Come on, Luce!" Simon called.  
  
I pulled Rory Anne out of her seat and kept her in my arms. I wanted a shield, I guess, when I approached Victoria. Not that I had to hide from her, more like hiding from myself.  
  
"Oh Lucy! It's so good to see you!" Victoria came toward me. We met halfway up the walk to the front door and embraced in a hug despite Rory Anne in my arms.  
  
"It's good to see you too, Victoria. You look good." Truthfully, she looked like hell. She looked like I felt. Inside.  
  
She nodded and smiled and stroked Rory Anne's hair. Rory Anne grunted and buried her face in my shoulder. Damn Kevin for making my baby skittish around strangers. Damn Kevin for making my brother and his wife strangers to my children.  
  
"You look great too. Come in, come in. I have the guest room all ready for you and I'm sure we can figure something out for the kids."  
  
"Daddy? Who is that?" Autumn asked. Simon knelt to her level to talk to her. I wanted to hear what he said to her, but Victoria had already started toward the house. I followed.  
  
The house entry hall was beautiful, and cluttered with toys. Kevin would never allow that. Once when he came home before I could get everything picked up, he kicked me until I thought I couldn't breathe. I had laid in our foyer for hours, afraid to move, afraid I had broken ribs or worse.   
  
Kevin. Where are you? I thought. Are you coming here, to Glen Oak, to find me? I hated to think some part of me wanted that, wanted him to come after me. I wanted him to apologize for the hell he put me through, for the hell he created for my children.  
  
Well, I had news for him. I would never forgive him for what he's done. Never.  
  
"Lucy?"  
  
"Hmmm?" I blinked, realized I had my hands clenched. I flexed my fingers and reached down to comb my fingers through Rory Anne's hair. When did I put her down? I didn't remember putting her down.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
"Oh. Yeah. I'm fine. Sorry." I picked Rory Anne up again. She lay her head on my shoulder and stuck her thumb in her mouth.  
  
Victoria reached out, intending to stroke Rory Anne's hair, but Rory Anne perceived the move as a threat. She screamed and dug her finger nails into my shoulder.   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
End chapter five. Please R/R and let me know what you think! Thanks! Lucky Star. (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	6. Dinner

WARNING: This fic deals with domestic violence. Please do not read if you think you will be upset by such issues.  
  
Angry All The Time  
Chapter 6/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star  
  
Simon offered to go to the store to pick up something for dinner, since Victoria hadn't been planning a mean for five extra people. I watched them at the door, Victoria shifting the baby from shoulder to shoulder, her body rigid with, her tone reluctant to let him go.   
  
I looked away, turned my attention to the children. Rory Anne and Autumn seemed to be settling in together, though Rory Anne naturally took the follower position, allowing Autumn to make all decisions about what to play. I felt a swift current of anger course through me in Kevin's name.  
  
I wouldn't trade my babies for anything, but how could I have been so blind all those years? Why did I stay? Why did I put up with the abuse? Why did I let him bully me and repress my children?  
  
Vincent hadn't relaxed yet, though I could tell he was trying. He just needed time to get used to things, and who could blame him for that? He was merely a product of the life he had been forced to live because of his self centered father.  
  
Kevin. I felt a shiver coming on and couldn't suppress the spasm. I rubbed my arms and pulled my sweater closer around myself.   
  
Victoria shut the door on Simon's back. She bent her head against the doorframe for a moment, until he started the car and pulled out of the driveway. I saw myself, in my mind's eye, doing the same thing every morning, every time Kevin left the house.   
  
She sighed before she turned around, and pushed a hand through her hair with a little smile. A self conscious smile. A tentative smile. I smiled too, and stood up with a hand in my hair.  
  
I didn't want to think Simon could ever raise his hand to his wife, but that is exactly what my mind screamed. She reminded me so much of me, like she was waiting always for the assault.  
  
Another shiver passed through me and I rubbed my arms. I couldn't help second guessing myself and the decision to come here. Panic filled me and I thought I had to get the children out, get out of here before Simon gets home.  
  
I couldn't focus enough on any one thought to really make a decision. I sat down in one of the kitchen chairs and took a deep breath. I couldn't breathe and the room started spinning.   
  
Simon abusing Victoria. Kevin. The children. Kevin Jr wants to be called Vincent. Caroline hates me. Both of Brian's front teeth are loose. Even Rory Anne knows her father hits me.   
  
Too many thoughts. Too much to focus on. I felt myself slipping, falling, going under. Blackness.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"I'm fine. Really." I struggled against gravity to sit up. My head ached, my body felt heavy, but other than that I felt fine. Physically.   
  
"What happened?" A child I didn't recognize asked. She had long blonde hair in a ponytail, and bright blue eyes. Simon's daughter. Autumn.  
  
"I think I passed out, that's all."  
  
"You did pass out," Victoria stated. "Go on, kids. Autumn, take your cousins to the play room."  
  
Autumn easily influenced Rory Anne, and Brian went only because I gave him a look to say he better. Caroline refused to go with the babies anywhere, and Vincent wasn't about to leave my side. I looked up at him and tried to give an encouraging smile. He just squeezed my hand and kissed my cheek.  
  
I don't think I would have had the courage to leave without him. I'm not even sure I would have been able to endure life with Kevin without Vincent.  
  
"I think you should lay on the sofa, Mom," Vincent told me. I nodded, what else could I do? He and Victoria helped me up and Vincent chased Caroline off to one of the chairs.   
  
"I'm really okay."  
  
"People don't pass out when they're okay," Vincent stated sounding very motherly.  
  
"Do you want something to eat?" Victoria asked and headed to the kitchen without waiting for an answer. "Maybe your blood sugar is low. You probably haven't been eating properly being on the road and all."  
  
It was more than that, but I couldn't say anything in front of Caroline and Vincent. She brought me a pack of peanut butter crackers. I sat up to eat them, even though I didn't want to.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Simon kissed Victoria when he came in and I saw her flinch away from him. He held onto her arm and whispered something in her ear. I saw the look of agony that crossed her face, and I wanted to confront Simon right then and there. I wanted to tell him I would kill him if he laid a hand on her again.  
  
He brought steaks for dinner, and after the little moment he tormented his wife, he went out to light the grill. Victoria watched him from the kitchen window, almost as if she longed to go out there with him.  
  
I should have pulled her aside, away from the kids, to talk to her. I don't know why I didn't. Maybe fear. I knew she wouldn't admit anything, just as I had assured several people things were just fine with Kevin and me.   
  
We ate, and the dinner table talk was pleasant enough. Simon showed an interest in all my kids, especially Vincent. The two of them talked about airplanes and Vincent's dream to be a pilot someday.   
  
"I'm going to be a cop like my dad," Caroline announced.  
  
"Is that so?" Simon turned his attention to my oldest daughter. "Why do you want to be a cop like your dad?"  
  
"Because my dad helps take bad people off the street. I want to be just like him."  
  
Simon leaned in, his eyes intent on my little girl. "Does your dad tell you about his job?"  
  
Caroline shrugged and took a bite of steak.   
  
Simon studied her for a long, tense moment, then backed off and turned to Brian. "What about you, Brian? What do you want to do with your life?"  
  
Brian shrugged and looked down at his plate.  
  
I felt again that stab of hate run through me. I wanted to go outside and scream my curses to Kevin. How dare he destroy me and my children like this. Brian is afraid to look at his uncle, afraid to speak, because Kevin often refused to listen to the children, and at times forbade them all to speak around him.  
  
So help me God, Kevin, I'll kill you if you ever try to touch me or my children again. I stabbed my meat with a little too much force because of the thought and the anger I felt toward my husband.  
  
I felt a horrible, sinking feeling that he was watching me. Kevin. I could see his eyes, staring at me, demanding something of me without telling me what.   
  
I looked up and found Simon looking at me. He smiled, his eyebrows arching like fuzzy caterpillars above his eyes. I returned his smile then focused on my plate.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End chapter six. Please R/R and let me know what you think. Thanks! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	7. Simon and Victoria Talk

Angry All The Time  
Chapter 7/?  
Chapter cowritten by Lucky Star and Jordan  
  
Simon  
  
I stood in the doorway watching her for a moment, wondering what was going through her head. She flipped through the channels on the television at least twice through while I was standing there. Most days I feel like I know her backward and forward and inside out. Tonight I felt like I didn't know her at all. I snapped off the bathroom light and joined her in the bedroom. "Victoria, what's wrong?" I asked without meaning to say the words out loud.  
  
She stopped the almost obsessive channel surfing, but did not look at me. "What do you mean?"  
  
"I mean something's bothering you. I can tell." I stepped out of my jeans and tossed them to the dirty clothes hamper just inside the bathroom door.  
  
Victoria looked at me then, only briefly, just long enough to flash a little smile, if it could be called that when just the corners of her mouth twitch slightly. "I guess I'm just tired today," she sighed and turned her attention back to the TV. An old cop show was on, filmed long before our time. She wouldn't possibly be interested in it.  
  
"It's more than that," I told her point blank, because I knew it was. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what would be bothering her, unless she was upset about Lucy and her kids being here, but I didn't think it was that. Victoria knows I would do anything for my family, and that includes the sister and four kids I haven't really seen for thirteen years.  
  
"No," Victoria started flipping through the channels again. "It isn't more than that. I'm tired. Bella was really fussy today and Autumn wouldn't take a nap."  
  
I don't know why or what possessed me to do it, but I grabbed the remote control out of her hand and turned the television off. I said her name, Victoria, almost an apology, but more a request that she tell me what's really going on. I had a weird feeling about this, which kind of scared me. Victoria never avoided me like this, never used the TV to hide.  
  
I dropped the remote off the side of the bed and took both her hands in mine. Her eyes were closed, her mouth drawn tight. Something had to be eating at her. "Is it Lucy? Do you want me to ask Lucy to go?"  
  
She took a deep breath, like trying to get herself under control before she said anything, like she was afraid to say something she would regret. "No..." Her voice wavered, like she was about to cry.  
  
"Honey," I squeezed her hands to let her know I was on her side, no matter what, and I would ask Lucy to leave if that's what Victoria wanted. "Whatever it is, you know you can tell me and we'll deal with it. Together."  
  
She took another deep, wavering breath. "I'm just tired, Simon. I think I might be getting sick or something. Are you ready to turn out the light yet?"  
  
I went to turn off the light at the switch across the room.   
  
I couldn't shake the feeling that something really big was bothering her, and I felt a pain in my soul because she wouldn't tell me what. She didn't trust me enough to tell me. Lucy was really the only thing that made sense. Maybe Victoria just didn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me she wanted my sister to leave. But I gave her the chance to tell me, and she insisted she's just tired.  
  
Victoria and I have always told each other everything. I don't like feeling this way. I don't understand what she thinks she can't tell me.   
  
I crawled back into the bed to find her back turned to me. I curled up next to her and pulled her to me. She felt cold, not warm or feverish as she would if she was getting sick.  
  
I think I had just started to drift off when I felt her slip away from me and out of the bed. I thought she was just going to the bathroom, and I imagined her curled up in there against the wall crying because of whatever she is going through that she can't share with me. I would find her there and she would confess to me, tell me everything. And we would deal with it, figure out what to do about it, together.   
  
She didn't go around the bed to the bathroom. She headed out the main door into the hallway. I waited a moment, then got up to follow her. I found her in Bella's room, standing next to the crib. Autumn, Caroline, and Rory Anne slept on the floor because the two boys were in Autumn's room for the night.  
  
It took a moment to realize Victoria held the top bar of Bella's crib so tightly it made her hands shake. I went to her, put my arms around her from behind. She jumped and made a startled sound. Lucy's littlest, Rory Anne, whimpered in her sleep. I glanced at the girls, but Victoria was my concern, and I took her head against my shoulder and instinctively rubbed her back.  
  
She resisted, pushed againstme like she wanted to get away,. "Shhh. Baby. Shhh. It's me," I told her and after a few seconds she sagged against my shoulder and put her arms around my waist.  
  
I led her from the room so we wouldn't disturb the children. I took her back to our bedroom and sat her on the edge of our bed. "What is it, Tory? What happened today?"  
  
She cringed at the name, Tory. I only use it when I'm emotional.   
  
"I can't tell you," she whispered and I had to strain to hear the words.  
  
"Why?" I asked her, because I couldn't imagine anything so horrible that she couldn't tell me. I didn't like knowing she felt she couldn't tell me. "If it's Lucy..."  
  
She shook her head. "It's not. It's not Lucy, Simon.:  
  
"Then what? You can tell me anything, Tory. You know that." I wanted to kick something. Not Victoria. Just something. Anything to ease this frustration.   
  
She turned her face from me and sighed. Again. "Not this. I can't tell you this. Please don't ask me to."  
  
I knelt in front of her, looking up at her profile. I took both her hands in mine and held them there. "Something has got you al tied in knots and I'm not supposed to ask what it is? Tory, baby, you know I won't rest until I know what it is. I hate seeing you this way. I hate that I feel so helpless and I don't know what to do to help you because I don't even know what is wrong."  
  
She started crying which only made me feel more helpless. I rubbed the back of her hand hoping that would comfort her somehow.   
  
"I'm sorry," she said but the words dissolved into tears. After a moment she took several beep breaths to get the tears under control. Then she looked at me with a hard, determined look. "I just want to go to bed, Simon."  
  
I nodded, even though I felt more hurt now than before. I knew something was bothering her, upsetting her. She is my wife, and I can't stand knowing she is upset and there's nothing I can do to help her. But I can't help her because she won't tell me what's wrong.  
  
She crawled in under the covers. "He was here."  
  
"Who?" I asked, my voice small. The hairs on my arms stood up on end.  
  
"Kevin. Lucy's Kevin."  
  
My heart skipped a beat. I know it did. I swallowed hard and clenched my fists. "Kevin? Kevin was here?" I wanted to kill the bastard as soon as I heard his name. How dare he come here and threaten my wife. And I knew he threatened her, and it all made sense now. He must have told her he would hurt her if she said a word to anyone about his little visit. "Oh Honey, what did he do? Did he hurt you?"   
  
I tried to pull Victoria into my arms, but she turned away from me as soon as she was on her feet.  
  
"He was asking me questions. About Lucy and the kids. And he said...he said if I told anyone he'd kill the girls. Autumn and Bella. That he could make it look like an accident and no one would believe me over him anyway."  
  
"Did he touch you? Did he hurt you, Tory?" I remembered Autumn telling me about the man who upset Mommy. Victoria told me it was the meter reader, and he scared her because she didn't know he was there.   
  
She just stared at me, her eyes blank like she was in shock.  
  
"Did he touch the girls, Tory?"  
  
"No, he didn't hurt her. He...He put his hand on her head and talked about how soft it was, how the skull is unformed," Panic raced through me at the through of Kevin holding my baby. Little Bella. Too little to understand what danger she was in, too little to fight back. "And he squeezed like he was going to crush it, and she started crying. he took her from me, Simon. I'm sorry! I didn't mean for him to...   
  
I could see the pain and the terror in her features and I wanted to hold her and comfort her, stroke her hair and tell her everything will be okay, but the truth was that I didn't know. I didn't know what Kevin might be capable of.  
  
"Don't. Tory, it's not your fault. He didn't hurt her. Remember that. He didn't hurt her."  
  
She was looking at me, but not looking at me. Looking through me. Seeing Kevin again. Seeing Kevin holding her baby. "No, but he will. He said if I told you...if I told anyone..."  
  
"Of course he said that. He's sick, Tory. He's been abusing Lucy for years. She left him. And he lost his punching bag." I really did not like thinking about my sister that way, but that's what she would have been to him. To Kevin. And dear God, I realized I had played with into his hands by bringing her here.  
  
  
Victoria looked shell shocked. That was the only word I knew to describe her. Like a war veteran. "He said he'll kill her too. He knows she's coming here. He's probably watching the house right now." Her voice was flat, monotoned.   
  
I shook my head. "No, baby. He can't get in. The alarm will go off and the police would come."  
  
She stared straight ahead. "He's going to do it. He'll find some way to get in here. He probably has it all planned out."   
  
  
"Honey, listen to me. He wants Lucy. Not you, and not Bella. He used Bella to get to you, but you didn't know anything about Lucy. Even if he knows she's here now, he would have done something when we all went to bed, and that was hours ago. He's probably going to wait to try to get Lucy alone."   
  
"You don't know that." She stated with a tone that seemed to accuse me of something. She jerked her attention back to the window, as if looking for him. "I can feel him watching this house, Simon. We don't know what he's going to do. It could be anything...anything"  
  
I know my sister would never do anything to endanger me or my family, and I hoped she knew if it came down to her or my wife and kids, I would choose Victoria and the girls in a heartbeat.   
  
"Okay.It's okay. He hasn't done anything yet, Tory. I don't think he's going to do anything tonight. He wants Lucy. Not us."   
  
"Simon, I want the girls in here. With us."   
  
I nodded. "Of course." I shivered and rubbed my arms. Of course I wanted my babies close to me, after what Victoria had just told me.  
  
We went to the bedroom together. I picked Autumn up off the floor and held her in my arms while Victoria changed Bella's diaper. We carried the girls back to our room and settled on the bed. Victoria fed Bella from her breast and I settled back against the pillows trying to keep myself calm despite the uneasy feeling ballooning in the pit of my stomache.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End chapter 7. Please R/R and let me (and Jordan) know what you think. Jordan created Victoria for my fic, If These Walls Could Talk, and we decided to use her int his fic and Angel Boy as well. Chances are Victoria will show up in Simon's Choice too. She is the same character the way Simon is the same character. Recurring, I guess. None of my stories are connected to the others. Victoria is her own independent character. And I hope that makes sense! Anyway, I appreciate your time when you read my fics and I want you to let me know what you think. Thanks! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	8. Waiting

Angry All The Time  
Chapter 8/?  
  
Kevin Kinkirk tossed his empty soda can to the underbrush behind him. His analytical cop mind warned him the local police could later find the can, lift his prints, and place him at the scene. He glanced at the can, and made no move to retrieve it. He would be long gone before Glen Oak's finest ever knew he was there.  
  
He wondered, out of curiosity and not any real desire to know, how many of his ex-coworkers remained on the force. Roxanne, of course, but surely Roxanne wasn't the only career cop in Glen Oak. Kevin figured at least half the guys he had worked with thirteen years earlier were probably still plugging away at it day after day.  
  
Roxanne.  
  
The thought of her brought a smile to his lips. With a little luck, she would be the one to head the case. She would never rat him out. She wouldn't dare. He knew too many of her secrets.  
  
Kevin sighed and thought of the children. Kevin Jr probably hadn't slept all night, and Brian would have cried himself to sleep. Kevin had never known two boys so sensitive before. Kevin Jr may as well be considered his mother's shadow and Brian cried like a girl at the drop of a hat.  
  
Caroline should have been a boy. She was more like a son than either of her prissy brothers. Kevin could just imagine her giving Lucy a hard time all the way from Buffalo, whining and bitching and moaning about every little thing she could think of.   
  
Rory Anne hardly counted. At four, she still sucked her thumb and we the bed. Kevin often wished she had never been born, but then he wished all of them had never been born. If it had been just him and Lucy, without the kids, life would have so much easier.  
  
And Lucy never would have left.  
  
She knew he never meant to hurt her.   
  
He had been a fool to approach Simon's wife, and just plain stupid to threaten the baby like he did. He couldn't help himself, and Lucy would understand that once he could get to her.   
  
He just needed to talk to her. Alone. If he could get her alone, he could get this whole thing sorted out. It was just a big misunderstanding. Thirteen years worth of misunderstanding, but that's all it was. Lucy would understand that.   
  
She had to. He needed her. He needed her to come home with him and try again. He would swear he'd never hit her again, and she could put his plate in front of him any way she wanted and he wouldn't complain. He wouldn't care, as long as she was there to fix the plate for him.  
  
He knew he couldn't do it alone.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Movement at the house caught his attention. He sat up a little straighter, trying to get a better look. His blood rushed to his ears, thundering like a drum. He felt like he was on a stake out, spying on a suspect.   
  
Only the suspect wasn't an ordinary criminal. She was his wife.  
  
Simon stepped out the back door, onto the deck. Kevin watched him scan the yard, and the woods beyond. Kevin almost laughed out loud, thinking Simon probably wished he hadn't bought a house that bordered an endless forest.   
  
Not that it mattered. Simon would be no match for Kevin, and they both knew it.  
  
Kevin had all the power. And he knew his best bet was to sit back, relax, and wait Lucy out.  
  
He could see her standing behind Simon, safely inside the house. His heart raced a little faster at the sight of her. So close, and yet so far.   
  
He just had to get to her...Without Simon, Victoria, or the kids. Just him and Lucy, alone.   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Sorry it's so short. Between travelling and work I just haven't had much time to work on my fics. Hopefully things are going to calm down now so it won't take so long...In the meantime, thanks for reading and please let me know what you think. Thanks! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	9. What's Happening?

WARNING: This fic deals with domestic violence. Please do not read if you think you will be upset by such issues.  
  
Angry All The Time  
Chapter 9/?  
A 7Th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star  
  
*~Lucy~*  
  
I struggled to see over Simon's shoulder, and out the door. I couldn't see Kevin, but I knew he was there. In the woods, watching me, watching the house. I knew he was there, even before Simon told me about yesterday and how he approached Victoria and threatened Bella.   
  
I should have known better than to come here. I had put everyone in danger. Not just me and my kids, but my brother and his family too. Kevin would try to make Simon pay for helping me, just as he would make me pay for leaving.  
  
"Just let me talk to him, Simon," I suggested, even though the thought made me tremble from the inside out. "He knows I'm here..."  
  
"No way!" Simon roared, sounding like an over protective father. "He won't want to 'just talk' Lucy."  
  
"I know, but if I talk to him..."  
  
Simon looked over his shoulder and his eyes seemed to bore holes right into my skin. "No. Lucy."  
  
I knew he only meant to protect me, and keep me from harm. But I took a deep breath and tried to hold his gaze. "He's my husband, Simon."  
  
"He's been abusing you for years, Lucy, and you didn't bring those kids all the way across the country so you could walk out the back door and face him alone. He followed you here, Lucy, and he threatened my wife and my baby, and that is only a hint of what he is capable of. He will kill you if he has a chance, Lucy."  
  
"No, he won't. Simon, he wouldn't." Would he? Simon's words got the wheels turning in my head. I never feared him in that way. Would he really kill me? Was he capable of murder? He could hit me, kick me, beat me until I couldn't breathe. Only twice had it been so bad that I thought I would die, but never did I think he meant to kill me. He wouldn't. He couldn't.   
  
He's a cop. Cops arrest murderers. They don't become them.   
  
"Do you really think he came all this way just to talk and try to work things out?"  
  
I narrowed my eyes at him. I knew what he said had the potential to be true, but I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't believe it.   
  
"Wouldn't you follow Victoria to the other side of the moon if that's where she went?"  
  
"Victoria has no reason to run from me."  
  
"But if she left, you would follow her."  
  
"Yes, but it's different."  
  
I just shook my head at him and walked away. I couldn't explain to him what I was feeling, or exactly why I needed to talk to Kevin, because I didn't know the words to tell myself the whys and hows of it. I just knew I had to talk to him. I felt a need to talk to him, like blood in my veins.  
  
I felt a tingling sensation, like something flip-flopped inside me, and when I reached out to grab the counter behind me for support, I felt myself falling into a black void. I tried to scream, but there was no sound, only blackness.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
There's no way to judge time like that, when you're out cold on the floor, but I knew it had to be several minutes before I felt myself lifted off the floor. I struggled to shake the fog and open my eyes, but the effort was too much. I think I moaned, because I heard Simon whisper "Shhhh, honey, it's okay. I've got you," but he sounded so far away and I couldn't talk anyway.  
  
I felt him kiss me on the forehead, but even that felt distant. I felt like I wasn't even in my body, like I was floating outside of it, outside of reality. I knew he was putting me in the van, and I could hear Victoria behind us rounding up all the children. Of course she did not want to be left home alone with Kevin lurking in the woods.  
  
Kevin! I surged upward, eyes open. Everything I tried to look at blurred. My heart raced with fear, and I knew I was dying. This was it. The end. Maybe Kevin really did some damage the last time he beat me, and even though he hadn't touched me for days, my body just couldn't take any more.  
  
Someone grabbed my hand. I tried to focus, but the face was just a black shadow of nothing. "It's okay, Mom. Everything's going to be okay." Kevin Jr whispered. No, not Kevin Jr. Vincent. He wants me to call him Vincent now. I never liked the name Kevin Jr anyway. I wanted my boy to have his own identity, not the name his father ruined.  
  
I think I smiled at him. I hoped I managed at least that.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I'm into the cliff hanger endings, so I'm stopping there. Tell me what you think, because I really want to know. Keep those reviews coming. I cherish each one, good or bad, but obviously the positive ones are my favorites! Thanks for reading. Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	10. The News

WARNING: This fic deals with domestic violence. Please do not read if you think you will be upset by such issues.  
  
Angry All The Time  
Chapter 9/?  
A 7Th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star  
  
*~Lucy~*  
  
The doctor's words echoed in my head, turning around and around like a broken record, two words repeating over and over and over again. "You're pregnant, you're pregnant, you're pregnant."  
  
No! I can't be pregnant! I don't want to be pregnant!   
  
Please, God, let this be a mistake. A crazy, horrible, once in a lifetime kind of mistake. Don't let it be real. It can't be real. I can't be pregnant. Oh God, please. Don't make me be pregnant.  
  
Kevin never wanted kids. Each time I got pregnant, it was my fault, not his. Never his fault. He never wanted one or two or three or four, he certainly wouldn't want five.   
  
I don't think I can take much more.  
  
My eyes wandered around the room. Looking for...for what? Something to end my miserable pathetic life? That's crazy. I'm not that desperate. Besides, suicide is a sin. And if I died, what would happen to my kids? Simon and Victoria might fight for them, but Kevin would win. Kevin is their father.   
  
"Hey, Luce," Simon pushed the door open. I blinked and turned my head toward his voice and the sound of my name. I tried to smile, but tears filled my eyes and I looked down at my hands. I felt like a little kid, caught with my hand in the cookie jar. But Simon didn't know what I was doing, what I was thinking, what I was looking for.  
  
Simon crossed the small room in three steps and reached for my hand. He squeezed it in his grip, and I imagined him crushing my fingers like Kevin had done once.  
  
"Did he tell you? Did the doctor tell you?" My voice sounded so small.  
  
I didn't have to look up to know he nodded. "It's okay, Luce. We'll get you through this."  
  
"How? This changes everything. I can't, Simon. I can't do this."  
  
"Yes, you can, Luce. You have to. Maybe think of it as a new chance, a new hope, a new beginning."  
  
I shook my head. "I have to tell Kevin."  
  
"Why?"   
  
I had to close my eyes because his stare seemed to see right through me and I felt like a germ under a microscope. "Because he's the father."  
  
"He doesn't deserve to be anyone's father."  
  
"That doesn't change the fact he is."  
  
Simon let go of my hand and walked over to look out the window. "I asked the nurses to keep an eye on Victoria and the kids, and to call security if he shows up. I wouldn't be surprised if he followed us here. He's stalking you, Lucy. You don't owe him anything."  
  
"He's stalking me because I left. He just wants to talk to me. Maybe he wants to say he's sorry."  
  
Simon sighed, deeply. I felt a tremble of fear. Not for myself, Simon would never hurt me. But he would hurt Kevin. Or try, at least. In a fair fight, the odds were stacked high against Simon.  
  
"Men like Kevin aren't sorry, Lucy. He may be sorry you left because he lost his punching bag, but he's not sorry, and he will never be sorry for the things he's done."  
  
"He's still my husband, and the father of my children."  
  
Simon sat down in the chair by my bed. "Did I tell you he left bruises on Bella's head? Four little circles from his fingers."  
  
I squared my jaw and looked up at the ceiling. Nothing he could say would affect me.  
  
I'd already made my decision.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End chapter 10. Another short chapter, I know. I think my muse must be out Christmas shopping. I hope she's giving me the gift of her time, guidance, and support in the new year. Until she deems me worthy of her precious attention, I will keep plugging away little by little, chapter by chapter. So please read and review so I know what you think! Thanks! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar!@aol.com) 


	11. Seeing Mom

Angry All The Time  
Chapter 11/?  
A 7th Heaven fan fic by Lucky Star  
  
Chapter 11: Seeing Mom  
  
*~Vincent~*  
  
Uncle Simon came out of Mom's room and I knew Mom was in trouble. I could just tell from the look on his face. He looked just like Mom, the same look she got when she was worried or upset.  
  
"I need to call my parents, see if they're home yet," he announced and headed for the courtesy phone in the corner.  
  
"Can I see my mom?"  
  
"Of course you can, Vincent. I'll take you after I call your grandparents."  
  
I shook my head. "I don't want you to take me, Uncle Simon. I want to go by myself."  
  
"Of course you do. But I think you should wait."  
  
"I'm not a little kid. Just tell me where she is." My voice seemed to get a little louder with every word. I took a deep breath to keep the anger I felt under control. Why did I feel anger? I didn't think I was mad at Uncle Simon. "I just need to see my mom, that's all. I need to know, to see for myself, that she is all right."  
  
Uncle Simon put the phone down and turned to me. He looked at me like he did when he first saw me, like he didn't know me. I tried to stand up a little straighter, to look a little older or more mature or something, whatever it would take to make him let me see my mom.   
  
His eyes seemed to search my face, and I had the feeling he wanted to tell me something, but then maybe thought my mom should be the one to tell me. "She's in 217. Go around the corner, through the double doors, and to your right. It's the second room on the left."  
  
"Thank you." I held his stare for a moment longer, and he patted my shoulder before I turned to go.  
  
A nurse was with her, checking her vitals or something, so I waited outside the door until the woman left. Mom's eyes were closed when I went in, so I coughed softly to let her know I was there.  
  
"Simon..." She turned her face toward me, and her eyes went wide with shock when she saw me, instead of her brother.  
  
I tried to smile, but I didn't feel much like smiling to see her like this. She seemed pale, and I knew it wasn't all from the florescent lights above her bed. I moved close to her and reached for her hand.  
  
She curled her fingers in resistance. "Go. I don't want you here."  
  
"Don't say that, Mom."  
  
Her eyes searched my face as Uncle Simon's had only moment ago. I could see the wheels in her head turning, trying to decide what to say. "I said it. Now go. I don't want you to see me like this."  
  
I knew she didn't mean it to hurt me, but it did hurt to hear her talk that way, and say those things to me.  
  
I had found her many times after her husband had beat her, and never once had she told me to go away. Several times she had tried to shoo me out of the room with a wave of her hand or insistence that she was all right, but never once had she said the words out loud.  
  
I didn't know quite how to react to her now. 'I don't want you here,' she said. 'I don't want you to see me like this.' I didn't want to see her like this either, but what choice did I have?  
  
"What's wrong with you, Mom? What did the doctor say?" I tried again to take her hand, but she refused to uncurl her fingers. She just stared up at the ceiling, no longer even looking at me. "Mom?"  
  
"I told you to get out, Kevin. Just get out."  
  
"I'm not Kevin, Mom."  
  
"I don't care. Just get out before I call the nurse to make you go." Her voice cracked. I could tell she was about to cry. She wanted to cry. Back home I would hold her sometimes when she cried. Only for a few minutes, then she would sniffle and dry her eyes and assure me everything was all right and I should go play or something.  
  
"Mom..."  
  
She turned over on her side, her back to me. I slowly backed out of the room, then stood outside the door with silent tears streaming down my face. I let the tears flow for a minute, until a nurse came out of a room down the hall. I didn't want her, or anyone, to see me crying. I took a couple deep breaths and dried my eyes with the bottom of my shirt.  
  
I stopped at the bathroom before going back to the waiting room. I looked terrible, but maybe Uncle Simon would just think it was because I'm upset about Mom. That really is the truth anyway.  
  
I hoped I wouldn't have to tell him what Mom said to me. I shouldn't have to tell him anything.   
  
He had his arms around Aunt Victoria. Caroline sat pouting in a corner. Brian held baby Bella in his lap and he looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Rory Anne and Autumn looked like they were having an imaginary tea party on the floor.  
  
I don't know if Aunt Victoria nudged him or what, but Uncle Simon turned his head to look over his shoulder and saw me. He started to smile, which made me want to cry again, so I looked down at my feet and picked at the dirt under my finger nails.  
  
"She's going to be fine, Vincent," Uncle Simon moved toward me.  
  
I nodded and took a deep breath to keep from crying. Maybe I should have told him what she said to me, but I couldn't. I wanted to pretend she never said it, and maybe she didn't mean it anyway. She couldn't mean it. I'm her son. She couldn't mean to push me away.  
  
Uncle Simon guided me to a chair and helped me sit in it. I covered my face with my hands. Uncle Simon patted the back of my neck with one hand, my knee with the other.   
  
"What's wrong with her, Uncle Simon?"   
  
"She's in a rough place right now, Vincent. She just needs a little time to deal with everything." Uncle Simon pulled me in his arms and I fell against him, my arms around his neck, my face pressed to his shoulder. I started crying because I couldn't fight it anymore.   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
End chapter 11. I hope you liked this little peek into Vincent's mind. The poor kid. Anyway, please read and review, let me know what you think and as always, thank you for reading! You guys are the best! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	12. Second Chances

Angry All The Time  
Chapter 11/?  
A 7th Heaven fan fic by Lucky Star  
  
Chapter 11: Second Chances  
  
*~Lucy~*  
  
I sensed them coming before they came in. I just knew they were coming, and there they were. My parents. Great.   
  
"Oh, honey," Mom cooed and threw her purse down in the chair on her way to my bedside. She took my hand in hers and knelt down to kiss my cheek.  
  
Dad walked around to the other side of the bed, took my other hand and kissed my other cheek.  
  
I grit my teeth and let them. I knew they needed it. They needed to reassure themselves I was all right. I would let them believe that, even though I was anything but all right.  
  
"How are you feeling, baby?" Mom asked.  
  
"Tired." Maybe I could get them to leave sooner if I played my cards right.  
  
It wasn't that I didn't want to see them. I just didn't want to get all emotional about it or anything. I didn't want them to make me feel safe, or obligated to stay with them.  
  
I couldn't stay with them. Kevin was waiting.  
  
"How was your trip?" I asked to be polite. I didn't really care to hear the details just now. I wanted them to leave so I could be alone with my thoughts.  
  
"Wonderful," Mom answered. "You can see the pictures when you get home."  
  
Home. Home is in New York, I wanted to tell her. Home is with Kevin. But I didn't say it. Simon had probably filled her in on all the details.   
  
How embarrassing to think your parents knew stuff like that about you. I didn't want my parents knowing how weak and pathetic I am.  
  
I yawned for effect. :I'm really tired, Mom. Maybe you guys could come back tomorrow."  
  
Dad squeezed my hand, bent down to kiss my cheek again. "You take care of yourself, sweetheart."  
  
"I will. Good night, Dad."  
  
Mom did the same, hand squeeze and kiss routine. "Victoria and the kids are going home with us. Simon will be here all night, so you just let the nurses know if you need anything."  
  
"Okay. Good night, Mom. I love you."  
  
"We love you too, honey."   
  
Dad reached for Mom's hand as he came around the bed. He grabbed her purse and they left. And I started crying once they were gone. I couldn't help it. I felt so alone. So alone.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Now I know why they don't keep clocks in hospital rooms. It must be a form of torture, denying a person the right to know what time it is. Could be midnight or three a.m. or even five o'clock. There's no way to tell. Beyond the window, the sky is pitch black, the hallway is deathly quiet outside my door. Every few minutes a pair of feet would pass by, a vague thump that barely disturbed the silence.  
  
I felt like a prisoner. I think that's what they wanted. That's what Kevin would want. Maybe they are working with Kevin. Keeping me prisoner here until he can sneak in past Simon. I never should have come home. I should have taken the kids and run somewhere Kevin would never think to look for me.  
  
To late for thoughts like that now.  
  
Kevin is my husband. He's my husband and the father of my children. I shouldn't have run from him at all. I love him, and he...he loves me. He never meant to hurt me. And he really only hurt me a few times. He was always so sorry. So very sorry. And he swore time and time again it would never happen...but it always did. It always happened again.  
  
I had two choices now, because running was no longer an option. I could either find some way to end it all, or I could go crawling back to Kevin. That's what he would want. And that is what I would do.   
  
Just go home to him. Maybe I could leave the children with Simon. Start over, start fresh. Just me and Kevin and the baby inside me. Everyone gets a second chance, right? This baby would be mine. Mine and Kevin's. That's all we need.  
  
Convincing Simon would be the hard part. But if I could sneak away...instead of Kevin sneaking in to see me, I could sneak away to see him...He would like that. He would definitely like that.   
  
Kevin always liked when I took the initiative to do something. Especially something he wanted me to do and I know he would want me to come home.  
  
He never wanted the kids, so they would be better off with Simon. Vincent will look after the others. And if Kevin refused to accept the new baby I would just have to give it up.   
  
I think everything would be fine between us if we could just start over.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
There's the end of chapter 12. I had a little trouble with it, so hopefully it reads smoothly. Please let me know what you think. The reviews mwa so much to me. Thanks! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	13. Simon's Influence

Angry All The Time  
Chapter 13/?  
A 7th Heaven fan fic by Lucky Star  
  
Chapter 13:   
  
*~Lucy~*  
  
Morning came, and with it a new shift of nurses. I wouldn't miss the ones from the night shift, they were harsh and unfriendly. Not that I wanted to make friends with them. But a smile and a 'hello' would have been nice when they came with needles to poke me and thermometers thrust to under my tongue.  
  
"My name's Mary," an overweight black woman said. I rolled my eyes. Mary. Great. I would get a nurse with the same name as my sister. I almost laughed, wondering if God was trying to tell me something. Why couldn't this woman have a name like Carol or Julie or even Marie instead of Mary?   
  
Mary raised an eyebrow at my silence. "And how are we feeling this morning?" She moved toward the machines monitoring my heart beat and blood pressure. I looked up at the glowing red number that meant nothing to me and shrugged. I never understood that, why people ask 'How are WE' when they mean 'How are YOU'.   
  
"I see, cat's got your tongue. That's all right. I'm used to talking to myself." Mary smiled again, a flash of pearly white teeth. I sighed and rolled my eyes again.  
  
I didn't mean to be rude. I just didn't have anything to say. She already knew my name, and she knew how I was, probably better than I knew. Forced to answer, I would have to say I was tired and weary and ready to see my husband.  
  
Kevin. Wherever he was, he was probably ready to blow his lid. I could imagine him pacing. Pacing back and forth, back and forth, looking wild eyed and ready to attack, like a caged tiger waiting for dinner at the zoo  
  
"Everything looks good. The doctor will be in to see you in a bit. He'll probably send you home today." There was that word again. Home. I wanted to tell Nurse Mary home is in New York, home is with my husband, but I bit my tongue. Mary didn't need to hear my troubles. She patted my leg, flashed her smile, then left.  
  
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly through my nose. Simon would be in within five minutes, I figured. As soon as the nurse gave him the okay. I turned my back to the door and tried to pretend I was sleeping.  
  
"Mornin', Luce," he came in several minutes later. "I know you're not asleep." I resisted the urge to scratch my arm where an itch suddenly presented itself. Simon sighed and sat down on the stool the doctor used when he came in the room. "Stop faking."  
  
"Why? I have nothing to say to you."  
  
"I know what you're doing."  
  
"Do you?" I turned to face him despite myself. "And what am I doing?"  
  
He leaned forward, resting his elbows on my bed. "You think if you go back to Kevin now you can start over. Just you and him. I guess you're planning to leave the kids with me. You know I'll take care of them, and I would. But how could you even think about leaving them? You're their mother, Lucy. The one person they should always be able to count on since their father is such a jerk. I don't know why, but you think you have to go back to Kevin. You think if you go back to him, just you and him and the new baby, everything will be okay. Like a second chance. Don't you see, if you go back to him now, you will never get away. He will abuse you far worse now than he ever did, because he will make you pay for leaving in the first place."  
  
"He's my husband." I said simply. A weak defense, but the only one I had. "I wouldn't expect you to understand."  
  
"I do understand, Lucy. More than you realize."  
  
I shook my head at him. "You don't. You can't understand. You have a wonderful marriage. I bet you and Victoria never fight, and if you do it's not full blown. You're not like Kevin."  
  
"No. I'm not like Kevin. I don't abuse women or terrorize young children."  
  
"He never hurt the children!"  
  
Simon raised his eyebrows. "Oh really? Maybe he never hit them, but they saw what he did to you, Lucy. Vincent told me..."  
  
"Vincent doesn't know what he's talking about."  
  
"Then why did you leave?"  
  
I glared at him, and wished he would disappear. "I want you to leave."  
  
"Because you know I'm right."  
  
Tears built up behind my eyes and I looked up to the ceiling, blinking to try to deny them release. They came anyway, and Simon was there, taking me to his shoulder, comforting me with gentle caresses and soft words.  
  
Damn him. He was right. In my heart of hearts I knew he was right. Every word he said was true.   
  
I couldn't go back to Kevin. He would probably kill me, or make me wish I was dead, within a week. And I could never walk away from my children. I would be no better than Kevin if I abandoned them.  
  
"Shhh, Luce. We'll get you through this," Simon whispered. And I prayed he was right.   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
End chapter 13. Don't you just feel Lucy's pain? She's going to have to see Kevin face to face sooner or later...Maybe the next chapter, because I'm sure a lot of you are just waiting for that encounter. But, how do you like it so far? Don't be shy. I really want to know what you're thinking. Thanks! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	14. I'm Nothing

Angry All The Time  
Chapter 14/?  
A 7th Heaven fan fic by Lucky Star  
  
Chapter 14:  
  
*~Simon~*  
  
I picked up and replaced the phone several times. Finally I just had to do it. I picked up he receiver and dialed the number. Ruthie would be upset with me because I didn't call her sooner. She would just have to understand I really hadn't had time until now.  
  
"Hello?" she answered with her usually perky voice and kids screaming in the back ground. I glanced at the clock. I should have waited until twelve-thirty, when the kids in her day care would be down for their afternoon nap.  
  
"Ruthie, it's Simon."  
  
"You don't have to identify yourself every time you call. But why are you calling this time of day? Is everything okay? Shouldn't you be at work?"  
  
"I took the day off."  
  
Ruthie took a deep breath and seemed to hold it for a couple seconds. "Why do I have the feeling this isn't a social call?"  
  
"Because it isn't."   
  
One of the kids screamed, and I could tell Ruthie walked away because the sound grew distant. "Simon, what's wrong?" The background noise sounded miles away now.  
  
"It's Lucy."  
  
"Lucy? Our Lucy?"  
  
"She's here. She left Kevin." Complete silence from Ruthie's end unnerved me. "Ruthie?"  
  
"I'm here. I just...wow. I never thought she would do it."  
  
"I just brought her home from the hospital. She's okay, it's nothing serious. But she's been here a couple days and she passed out a couple times, so I took her to the doctor."  
  
"She's pregnant, isn't she?"  
  
I nodded, forgetting for a moment that Ruthie couldn't see me. "Yeah. I'm really worried about her, Ruthie. Mentally more than anything else. She's in a really bad place right now."  
  
"I'll be there as soon as I can."  
  
"I know. I guess that's why I didn't call you sooner."  
  
"We'll talk about that later."  
  
"I'm sure we will." I sighed and pushed a hand through my hair. I felt old and weary all of a sudden.   
  
"I'll see you soon. Take care of Lucy until I get there."  
  
"You know I will." We hung up and I just sat there staring at the phone for a long time. If anyone knew what Lucy was going through it would be Ruthie.   
  
Ruthie ran a private day care out of her basement, which allowed her to stay home with her daughter while her husband worked. Connor wasn't Ariel's real father, but he loved the little girl as if he was.  
  
Ruthie's first marriage ended less than a year after it started. Steven just wasn't the type to settle down with one woman. Ruthie caught him cheating on her with two other women at the same time. She kicked him out of the house and filed for divorce. He stalked her for months before the police arrested him on an unrelated charge.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I almost didn't tell Lucy that Ruthie was coming over, but I decided that would be cruel. Lucy had enough shocks and surprises in her life, she didn't need another one.  
  
I knocked on the bedroom door then pushed it open. "Hey. How are you feeling?"  
  
She didn't smile, and her eyes looked dull to me. "I'm just great, Simon, and how are you?"  
  
The doctor had warned me she would probably have severe mood swings. I just nodded and sat down at the foot of the bed. "I called Ruthie. She's coming over as soon as she can get away from work."  
  
"I don't want to see her. I don't want to see anyone."  
  
"I know, but you need your family right now."  
  
She locked her jaw and looked up at the ceiling. I thought of her in her youth, when she and Kevin were dating, how easily she got aggravated or annoyed. She used to do the same thing, square off her jaw, a sure sign she was peeved about something.  
  
"We're all here for you. You know Matt and Mary would be here in a heart beat..."  
  
"Don't you dare call them."  
  
"I won't. I can't guarantee Mom won't, but I won't."  
  
"And while you're at it, call Ruthie back and tell her not to come. I don't want her to see me like this."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"This."  
  
"That's not a good enough answer and you know it."  
  
Silent tears slipped down her cheeks. I felt bad making her cry, but I wasn't about to let her off the hook. I wanted to know exactly what she was thinking and feeling, and if I had to make her cry to find out then it was worth it. I couldn't help her, really, unless I knew what I was up against.  
  
"I'm miserable and pathetic. I'm a horrible, ugly failure."  
  
Kevin's words, no doubt. Damn him. If I ever have the unfortunate experience of seeing him face to face again, I'll make him wish he never met my sister.  
  
"No, Lucy. You're not."  
  
"I am." She looked at me, her eyes completely void of emotion, betrayed only by the steady stream of tears. "I was supposed to be a minister, and I was supposed to be smart and beautiful and...and now look at me. I'm not a minister. I'm not a anything."  
  
"You're still my sister and Ruthie's sister."  
  
She shook her head, splattering tears like rain. "I'm nothing," she whispered, and the way she looked at me I knew she meant it. She believed it was true.  
  
I wanted to smack her and jolt her back to reality, make her stop thinking and saying things like that. More likely I would only succeed in making her stop saying them, but she would only believe it more. Kevin brainwashed her for years, and chances were it would take years to erase the damage he had done.  
  
"Lucy..."  
  
"Don't, Simon. Please just don't, okay? I didn't come here so you could pity me."  
  
"I don't pity you."  
  
"Yes, you do. You may not know it but you do. Poor stupid Lucy. I got what I deserved, right? I let him do it. I let him hit me and control me. I only got what I deserved. I'm weak, Simon. I've always been weak and stupid and worthless. I need him to hit me, to keep me in line. He's the only one who knows how to take care of me. I'm so lucky he loves me enough to take care of me."  
  
A renewed current of aner toward Kevin surged through me. I realized my hands were curled in fists, and I slowly flexed them open. "No, Lucy. Lucy, what he does to you, that isn't love. It's power. He wants to control you. He needs to make you feel worthless and weak to make him feel strong and important."  
  
Lucy shook her head and turned her face to the window. "You have no idea what you're talking about, Simon."  
  
"I'm trying to understand it, Lucy."   
  
She sat up, leaned over with her hands over her face. I moved closer to her and reached out to touch her back. She started, then fell against my shoulder, crying into my neck.  
  
The doctor had told me to expect this kind of behavior. She would go from one extreme to the next in a matter of seconds. The important thing for me was to stay focused on the positive and not let her justify what Kevin had done to her.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End chapter 14. Still no Kevin. But he will make his appearance soon. Possibly in the next chapter. You'll just have to keep reading and find out, won't you? *Evil laugh* In the meantime, please review this chapter ad let me know what you think! Thanks! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	15. Ruthie's Arrival

Angry All The Time  
Chapter 15/?  
A 7th Heaven fan fic by Lucky Star  
  
WARNING: Read at your own risk, as this story has been saddled with domestic abuse and abusive Kevin labels since the very first chapter…So far we have seen Kevin's abuse mostly from a distance. This chapter will bring the reader right into the middle of the action…  
  
Chapter 15: Ruthie's Arrival  
  
He noticed the car when it turned onto the street, and squinted to see against the glaring sun. He had a feeling he knew, even before he identified the driver, that it was Ruthie Camden. No, not Camden. Ferris? No, Ferris was her first husband. Burrows, that was it. Ruthie Burrows. So hard to remember the names when the faces were a blur in a long forgotten memory.  
  
He crouched low in the cover of the shrubs lining the driveway, as close to the house as he dared to go. He just wanted to get a good look at her, to see for himself the smooth womanly curves she had developed over the years. He had always known Ruthie Camden would grow up to be a beautiful woman.  
  
She got out of the car and fanned her hair out by raking her fingers through the massive curls. The sight of her full rounded breasts caused a sudden current of warmth and a jolt of pleasure that seemed to spread outward from his very core.  
  
Ruthie walked around the back end of the car, and seemed to be headed right toward him. She had a better body than Lucy, more solid and study, and yet so wonderfully feminine. He closed his eyes for a moment to indulge in a little fantasy. He imagined Ruthie Camden naked, laying on the bed, her body aching for his touch.  
  
The sudden outbreak of a small child's temper shocked him out of his thoughts. He blinked and refocused his eyes on the Ruthie in front of him. She couldn't be more than ten or twelve feet from him.  
  
She lifted the little brat out of the car and put her on her feet. "Don't move," Ruthie shook a finger at the little girl, then leaned back inside the car, kicking one leg out for balance as she rooted around looking for something. Some toy the kid dropped, probably, which would explain the scream that ruined Kevin's fantasy.  
  
Kevin licked his lips and put his right hand over his crotch to shift things around in there. He couldn't help that the sight of Ruthie's soft, sweet, pear shaped ass made him all hot and sweaty. And horny. He was tempted to jump out and grab her, drag her into the woods, and take his pleasure from her.  
  
Instead he pulled out his police badge, turned it just right to catch the sun, and the little girl's attention. The child grinned and reached for the reflection of the light. Kevin smiled at her and held the badge out, knowing she wouldn't be able to resist the temptation of going after the source of the light.  
  
She ran to him like an old friend, and Kevin moved out of the shrubbery to catch his niece in his arms. "Aren't you just the prettiest little thing?"  
  
His words caught Ruthie's attention, and she slowly rose out of the car. A rainbow of emotion splashed across her face. First fear, then shock and recognition, and fear once more.   
  
She held her arms out, as a man surrendering, to show she had no weapon and meant no harm. Kevin smirked at her, his lip curling up slightly. "Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in."  
  
Ruthie chanced a glance toward the house, as if she expected Simon to appear suddenly and fly to her rescue. Kevin only laughed and shifted Ariel to his other hip.  
  
"Let her go, please. Take me."  
  
Kevin shook his head, his legs spread slightly in cop-stance. "She's a hostage. Aren't you, little one?"  
  
Ariel twisted in his arms, reaching for her mother.   
  
"What do you want?" Ruthie stared at him, focused on his face so she wouldn't see the fear in Ariel's eyes. "I'll do anything. Just please don't hurt my baby."  
  
Kevin reached up and smoothed a trendil of baby curls against Ariel's forehead. "Go inside and get my wife. I'll negotiate with her. Only her."  
  
"You're crazy if you think I'd send Lucy out here to talk to you," Simon came around from the front of the house. He, like Ruthie, held his arms out to show he was empty-handed.  
  
"Stay where you are, Camden," Kevin warned.  
  
"Ungle Si-man!" Ariel yelped and struggled against Kevin. Kevin tightened his hold on her, which made her yell in protest. Kevin jerked her hard to his other hip and clamped his hand on her mouth.  
  
Ruthie moved forward, driven by a mother's instinct to protect her child. Simon caught her arm and pulled her back. "Don't give him a reason to hurt her," he hissed in Ruthie's ear. "As long as you cooperate, he won't risk it."  
  
"I want to see my wife!" Kevin growled. "It doesn't have to be this way, you know. I'll let the kid go when my wife comes out here."  
  
"Let her go now." Simon demanded. Kevin laughed. Simon released Ruthie's arm and took a step toward Kevin. "She's just a child. What are you going to do with a child, Kevin? She's going to get hungry and she'll need her diaper changed. You don't want to be bothered with all that. Let her go and take me. I can do things for you that she can't."  
  
Kevin's eyebrows arched with interest. "Oh really? What are you suggesting?"  
  
Simon took another step, putting him just beyond arm's reach. "Anything you want. I'll do anything you want. Just put Ariel down."  
  
Kevin turned, paced a few steps in the opposite direction. "I'll take you and keep her. For negotiation purposes, you understand."  
  
Simon nodded, admitting defeat. He knew Kevin knew exactly what he was doing. Kevin was a cop, he had worked not only hostage situations, but kidnappings as well, from the outside in. This time he would be the mastermind behind the crime, and he knew how the police would handle the case, if they were called in, which would be almost pointless in Glen Oak, since Kevin knew at least half the force.  
  
"Okay." Simon slumped his shoulders and joined Kevin's side.  
  
"Don't try anything stupid, Camden."  
  
"I won't risk having you hurt my niece. Ruthie, go inside and get Lucy. Tell Tory to take the kids to Mom and Dad's."  
  
"Simon…" Ruthie started, but a look from Simon silenced her. She took one last look at her daughter then headed around to the front door.  
  
"Hey, punkin," Simon smiled at Ariel. "How's my girl? Don't worry, sweetheart. Everything's going to be just fine."  
  
"That remains to be seen, doesn't it?" Kevin sneered. "There's a bag over there," he pointed to the trees where he had kept camp watching over the house since Lucy arrived in Glen Oak. "My handcuffs are in it."  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End chapter 15. So, what do you think now? I thought Kevin was going to attack Ruthie which is why I wrote her into chapter 14. When I actually sat down to write, it came out much dofferent than I imagined. But I like it! I hope you do too! Let me know what you think! Thanks! Lucky Star (JJsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	16. Fear

Angry All The Time  
16/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic By Lucky Star  
  
WARNING: This chapter travels deeper into the jungle that is Kevin's deranged mind. Join us on the treacherous journey if you dare, but be forewarned, the territory is rocky at best.  
  
Chapter 16:  
  
Kevin enjoyed watching Simon squirm. In fact, he could think of few ways to better waste the time waiting for Lucy. He had never liked Simon, even all those years ago when he had first come to Glen Oak to be close to Lucy. Simon had been little more than an adolescent punk, and Kevin had often indulged in fantasies of handcuffing the arrogant teen, throwing him in the back of the squad car and...  
  
"Get the cuffs, Camden," Kevin barked, and licked his lips at the thought of living out the fantasy now. He could secure Simon's hands behind his back and...  
  
Simon knelt in front of Kevin's bag and unzipped it. Kevin held his breath, waiting for a reaction. Simon made no sound, just shifted the pictures around to find the handcuffs. He looked up at Kevin when he found them.  
  
Kevin smiled. He couldn't wait to get Simon handcuffed. He had such plans. Such wonderful, delicious plans for making the punk pay for keeping Lucy from him.  
  
"Simon!" a shrill voice broke through Kevin's thoughts. He growled and turned toward the sound. Simon's wife. He growled again, sneering at Victoria Camden.  
  
Simon had the handcuffs in his hand as he moved away from Kevin's bag. Kevin watched him curiously, knowing Simon wouldn't do anything to jeopardize Victoria's safety. He took a step toward his wife, but a look from Kevin stopped him going any farther. "Get in the car, Tory. Get the kids and get out of here. Please."  
  
"No!" Victoria yelped. Lucy and Ruthie came up behind her, each of them grabbed one of her arms and held her back.  
  
"I'm fine, Tory. I'll be fine. Please just go. Let me know you're safe."  
  
"I'm not leaving you..." Victoria insisted.  
  
Simon shook his head sadly. "Go. Tory. Now. Please. Just go. Get out of here!"  
  
Kevin rolled his eyes. "Blah blah blah. Enough already," he spat and shifted Ruthie's daughter to his other hip. Ariel reached her arms out toward her mother. Kevin pushed her arms down. "Come here, Tory."  
  
Kevin smirked at the look of anger and frustration and ultimately helplessness that marked Simon's features. "Don't call her that! Don't you call her that!"  
  
"Such violence from someone who is in a very precarious position. I suggest you calm down, Camden. Before the people you love have to pay for your immaturity." Kevin raised an eyebrow in challenge toward Simon. Simon backed down, his posture slumped. Kevin could smell Simon's defeat in the air. Simon Camden wasn't a stupid adolescent punk anymore, Kevin realized. He was a young man, and he was smart enough to realize his wife had made a huge mistake coming out to see him. "Get over here, Tory. You too Lucy. Ruthie, you best stay where you are if you know what's good for you. And your daughter."  
  
"Please don't hurt her..." Ruthie whispered.  
  
Kevin looked her in the eye for just one moment, leaving her to wonder if he would hurt the child. Then he shifted his attention to the little girl, bringing one hand up to stroke her curls. "Such a sweet little think you are. You look just like your mama. I wonder if you have a little of your daddy in you. He was a bad boy. Does your mama tell you about him?"   
  
Lucy stepped forward. "I'm here, Kevin. I'll go with you. Just you and me. Please."  
  
Kevin glanced at Lucy, then Victoria, and Simon. Simon stood off to the side, looking thoughtful, like he was trying to calculate a move to try to be the hero. Kevin clicked his tongue in disgust. "Camden, I want you to put those cuffs on your wife. Nice and tight, behind her back."  
  
"Is that really necessary?" Simon stepped forward. He held his head high, almost defiantly.  
  
Kevin laughed and jerked his head in the general direction of Victoria.   
  
"Don't argue with him, Simon," Lucy took a step toward Simon. "Do it or...or...Just do it." Lucy ha moved to stand beside Kevin. She put her arm around his waist as if she meant to give him a hug. He looked down at her and smiled his evil smile, the one he often plastered on his face before he hit her.  
  
"You'd best listen to your big sister, Camden. She knows what she's talking about, don't you, Luce?"  
  
Simon nodded. Victoria stood with her head bowed. Simon went behind her and pulled her arms behind her back. "I'll get us out of this, Tory. I don't know how, but I will think of something. Just hang in there, baby. Just hang in there."  
  
"Shut up, Camden." Kevin warned and pinched Ariel to make her whimper.  
  
Simon stiffened at the sound, but he moved around to face Victoria and reached up to brush the tears from her cheeks. "At least let me say goodbye to her."  
  
"You just did."  
  
Simon leaned in, gave Victoria a quick kiss on the cheek. "I love you, Tory. Just remember that. I love you."  
  
Kevin yawned, making an obnoxious sound. "Get over there with Ruthie, Camden. Your lovely wife will be traveling with me and my wife. Ruthie, be a dear and toss me your car keys."  
  
Ruthie hesitated. Kevin noted the look Simon gave her, and a moment later she pulled her keys out of her pocket.   
  
"Hey Camden. One more thing." Kevin turned his attention to his brother-in-law again. He loved the power he had, and the fear he saw in Simon Camden's face. "Catch." He thrust the little girl in his arms upward. She screamed, Ruthie screamed, and Simon scrambled forward to catch the kid before she hit the ground.  
  
Kevin kicked Victoria, pushing her toward the car, and made a grab for Lucy's arm at the same time. He opened the back door and shoved Victoria in without concern for her face slamming into Ariel's car seat. He slammed the door and opened the front door, shoved Lucy in and pushed her across to the passenger side.  
  
He looked through the windshield to get one last look at Simon and Ruthie before he sped away.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End chapter 16. My friend Jordan helped me write it. We hope you like it. Let us know in review. Thanks for reading! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	17. Real Fear

Angry All The Time  
17/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star  
  
WARNING: This chapter contines the journey, taking the reader even deeper into the dark recesses of a demented mind...Read at your own risk...You have been warned...  
  
Chapter 17:  
  
*~Lucy~*  
  
I sat silent and unmoving as long as I could in the seat next to him. I wanted to ask him where he was taking us, me and Simon's wife, and what he was going to do with us once we got there, but I knew he would hit me if I said anything to him.   
  
I had to stay calm. Not just for myself, for Victoria and my baby too. Kevin didn't know I was pregnant. I really didn't know what he would do if I told him. I certainly didn't expect him to be happy about it. He wouldn't have a sudden change of heart and let Victoria go.   
  
Dear God, I hoped he had the keys to those handcuffs in his pocket. Simon had gotten the cuffs out of a bag. If the keys were in the bag, back at the house...Simon had no way of knowing where we were, where we would end up...  
  
I had visions of him leaving Victoria by the side of the road somewhere. I pushed those thoughts from my mind. I couldn't worry about that now. For the moment Victoria was safe, or relatively safe at least. Kevin couldn't do much while he was driving.  
  
He stopped at a motel outside of Glen Oak. The name sounded familiar, like maybe Kevin and Roxanne had made a huge bust there a long time ago.   
  
He didn't check in. He had a key already. One of the rooms at the back, of course. Not even facing the road.   
  
He said nothing, but grabbed my arm and jerked me out of the car as soon as he parked. I could feel his nails digging little crescent moons in my skin, but I bit my tongue and tried not to pull my arm away.   
  
He opened the back door and pulled Victoria out with a current of violence I knew all too well. I never should have left him. I knew I would never get away with it. I had known before I left that he would follow me. He would come for me, and he would make me go home with him.   
  
I should have just stayed put. I should have stayed where I was. Victoria shouldn't be involved. Simon shouldn't be involved. No one should be dragged into it.   
  
"Sit down," He shoved me toward the chair just inside the door. I sat, because I had no real choice in the matter.   
  
He turned Victoria around, so her back was to him. She stood stock still, afraid to move without him pushing her into action. I didn't blame her. I knew exactly how she felt.   
  
He stuffed his hand in his pocket, and pulled out his keys. He uncuffed Victoria then kicked her, pushing her face down on the bed. He brought the cuffs to me, and I offered my hands to him without protest. What good would it do? He'd only hit me, and then he would probably hit Victoria too. I would cooperate, and pray for a miracle and a chance to escape, to save Victoria from the punishing blows of Kevin's fists.  
  
He used the cuffs to secure me to the chair, leaving one arm free.   
  
He reached behind his back, and pulled his gun out of his pants. I wondered if Simon knew he had it, and that was why Simon hadn't tried harder to do something back at the house. He knew Kevin was desperate enough to use it.   
  
Kevin put the gun down on the table beside the bed. I looked longingly at it. If I could just get across the room...I could get the gun...even with my right hand held down, I could aim with my left. I've always had pretty good aim with either hand.  
  
"Don't try anything stupid, Luce," Kevin flashed his maniac smile at me. As if he could read my mind. He knew what I was thinking, because his cop mind was trained to know what victims thought when they were backed into a corner.  
  
"Don't hurt her, please, Kevin. Please. Let her go. She could call Simon to come get her and we could be long gone before he could get here. Just you and me, Kev. The way it should have been all along. Please."  
  
"Shut up, Lucy."  
  
He sat on the bed, facing Victoria. She hadn't moved after Kevin pushed her down. He used both hands to roll her onto her back. Silent tears streaked her face, but she still didn't make a sound. But I did. I gasped at the sight of two small perfectly round wet spots forming on her blouse.  
  
I bit my lip. My mind flashed all kinds of images of the things Kevin could do. He had me virtually helpless, and Victoria completely at his mercy. I blinked, trying to stop the thoughts.   
  
Victoria noticed me, and Kevin, looking at her chest. She glanced down, and a look of absolute horror crossed her face. She crossed her arms over her chest. A moment later, Kevin reached up to stroke her hair. She cowered away from him.   
  
He got to his feet, pacing the length of the bed a couple times. "Take it off."  
  
"What?" Victoria looked up, her eyes wide with fear and innocence.  
  
"Take it off," Kevin repeated, his voice cold and hard and dripping with the thickness of a threat.  
  
"Kevin...no..." I whispered, despite myself, despite the fact I knew better. I knew how Kevin worked. I knew he would hit me and braced myself for the blow before he even moved toward me.  
  
I heard the slap, but felt nothing. Victoria. He had hit Victoria.   
  
I opened my eyes. A bright red spot stained her cheek. She bowed her head and brought her hands up to unbutton the blouse.  
  
Dear God, I thought, please help her. She hasn't done anything to deserve this. Please don't let him hurt her too bad. She has a wonderful husband waiting for her, and two beautiful little girls. Please help her make it home to them...A tear trickled down my face.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End chapter 17. Jordan helped with this chapter too. And once again I beg of you, let us know what you think. Feedback is a wonderful stroke to a writer's ego. So keep those reviews coming! Thanks so much! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	18. Get The Gun, Tory!

Angry All The Time  
18/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star  
  
WARNING: And the beat goes on. This chapter continues the adventures of Abusive Kevin. Read at your own risk.  
  
And a quick note to say I'm sorry it's been so long since I posted a chapter...I'm going to try to update Angel Boy and After The Rain soon too. I haven't abandoned the stories or my readers...You guys are the best...but as some of you know I'm working two jobs and it's really wearing me down and I barely have time to think, much less write. But tax season is in a lull right now, for the next month or so, so hopefully I'll get my muse back on the job and post chapters soon. Thanks for sticking this out with me. I hope this chapter is worth the wait...And now, let's READ!  
  
*~Lucy~*  
  
How could this be happening? How had things gotten so out of control that we were here, the three of us, in this run down hotel room? I was handcuffed to a chair. Victoria lay on her back, breasts full of milk meant for her baby and exposed to my husband. Kevin loomed over her, sneering and threatening, and waiting for God knows what to make a move.  
  
I didn't know why he didn't just take her, rape her, like I knew he wanted to. I prayed it wouldn't come to that, but I knew Kevin well enough to know that was his ultimate intent. And the reason he didn't just do it was because he wanted to play with her, wear her down, break her will, make her give into him.  
  
"I sure hope that sweet baby of yours doesn't have to go hungry tonight," Kevin sneered.  
  
Victoria recoiled, her eyes closing in defeat. But she had seen the gun. I had seen the light of hope in her eyes at the sight of it. He had just left it there, almost daring one of us to make a move for it.   
  
"Please..." she whimpered. "Please let me go home."  
  
Kevin ran a finger down the slope of her breast, squeezing her swollen nipple. A spurt of milk arced into the air and Victoria made a pathetic sound, a heartbreaking sound of complete humiliation.  
  
"Kevin, baby, please." I called out to him, hoping to distract him more than anything. Maybe if I could draw his attention away from Victoria for just a moment, Victoria would reach for the gun. She wouldn't have to stretch very far, she could get it easily, if I could just make Kevin turn away from her. "Listen to me. You don't have to do this. Let her go. You don't need her. You have me. I'm here now and I was a fool to ever leave you. I just wanted to make sure the kids were safe. Let Victoria go so she can go home to Simon and help him take care of the kids. The children will be safe there, and it can be just you and me again, like it used to be. Remember how it used to be?"  
  
I watched him while I spoke. His jaw clenched, the muscle in his cheek throbbed. He took a deep breath, forcing himself to relax. Only he couldn't relax. That was one of his problems. He could never relax.  
  
He only looked over his shoulder to glare at me. Victoria lay stock-still, afraid to move. I wanted to scream at her, 'Get the gun! Get his gun, Tory!' but the words stuck in my throat and I looked down, unable to face the anger and hate and evil I saw in my husband's eyes. He had never looked evil to me before, only angry, more at himself than me, but he took it out on me. He needed to release the anger somehow, and of course I was the easiest target. I didn't mind so much, before now, as long as he didn't raise a hand to the children.  
  
He turned back to Victoria, laying there as if waiting for him to come to her. He reached a hand out to caress her jaw, trailing his fingertips down her chin, her neck, over the curve of each breast before leaning in to take one in his mouth. Victoria made a face of shock, horror, disgust, and pain all at once. Her hands shot up to his head, trying to push him away.   
  
He caught her throat in the circle of his hands, his body rigid with a furious anger.   
  
"Kevin! Kevin, baby, stop, please! Don't...If you kill her...You're a cop, baby. You can't kill her...Please..."   
  
He grunted and released her, throwing her limp body against the bed like a rag doll. And without glancing back at me, he reached for the waistband of her slacks.  
  
A thousand thoughts jumbled up in my mind, and I couldn't make sense of anything. I felt the whole world tip over, turn me upside down. This couldn't be happening. It simply could not happen this way. I had to get the gun. I could get it, if I stood up very quietly and picked up the chair so it wouldn't drag. He'd be so focused on what he was doing he wouldn't noticed until it was too late...  
  
But could I risk Victoria's life on it? Mine, yes. I almost didn't care if he killed me. I would rather he kill me than Victoria, but if he killed me Victoria would have little hope of getting away from him. And in the end he would probably kill her too. I couldn't risk it.   
  
But I couldn't just sit there, chained to a chair, and let my husband rape my brother's wife. I had to distract him, somehow, until Victoria could regain consciousness and grab the gun. That gun in Victoria's hand was our only hope.  
  
"Kevin, baby. Please don't do this. Let's leave her here. She'll wake up and she'll call Simon to come get her and by then we'll be miles and miles away. She won't wake up for a while, Kevin. Please."  
  
"Shut up, Lucy," he grunted, and tore himself away from Victoria and lunged across the room to loom in front of me. He slapped me, thumping my head against the wall behind me. For a moment I thought I saw stars, but the fog cleared almost instantly. Victoria stood beside the bed, holding Kevin's gun in trembling hands.  
  
He picked up on the shift in my attention and turned. I could feel his shock. Had she been faking? How had she managed to fool him? I wanted to clap and cheer for her.  
  
"I'll scream, Kevin. I'll scream and someone will hear and they'll call the cops."  
  
Kevin laughed. "I am the cops, Lucy."  
  
"And you are not above the law, are you?"   
  
"What is that supposed to mean?"  
  
I nodded my head toward Victoria. Kevin looked over his shoulder, then turned to her, laughing. "Give me the gun, sweetheart."  
  
Victoria looked like she might cry. I couldn't blame her. What an awful position for her to be in. She had no idea how to use a gun, and I wasn't even sure she could fire it if she had to.  
  
"Make him give me the handcuff keys, Tory," I suggested.  
  
Her eyes flicked to me, then back to Kevin. Kevin didn't move. I wondered if he thought Victoria might be capable of shooting him. Maybe she could do it, if she thought about what he had done to her baby, what he had done to her. "Give her the keys," Victoria demanded, "or I'll shoot you."  
  
Kevin laughed, and the sound seemed to say he didn't believe her. "You don't have the balls, Victoria. Do you know what it's like to shoot someone? Do you have any idea what it feels like to look a man in the eye and shoot him? You think it's not a big deal until you do it. It's an incredible power rush, but once it's done and you realize what you did, you can never take it back."  
  
"Give her the keys, Kevin." Victoria jerked the gun like I've seen people do in movies.  
  
"You can't do it, Tory. You know you can't. So why don't you just give me the gun and we'll forget this ever happened."  
  
"Don't listen to him, Tory. He's trying to make you weak. Don't let him have the power, Tory. You've got the gun. Let him know you're not afraid to use it."  
  
"Give me the gun, Victoria," Kevin moved a step closer to her.  
  
Victoria took a step back and realigned the gun to Kevin's chest. She meant to shoot him in the heart. I almost wished she would do it. If I had the gun I would do it. I'd put a bullet right between his eyes. Or maybe right where his heart would have been if he had one.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
End chapter 18. Thanks again for reading! Please review since you've made it this far. Thanks! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	19. Bang!

Angry All The Time  
Chapter 19/?  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star  
  
If you are reading this I trust you know this fic carries the burden of domestic abuse/Abusive Kevin warnings. Read at your on risk, please review, and don't flame.   
  
Chapter 19:   
  
*~Vincent~*  
  
Uncle Simon and Aunt Ruthie both looked really pale when they came in and little Ariel was screaming like she'd been beaten. A few seconds passed and Aunt Ruthie headed upstairs with Ariel before I realized Mom and Aunt Victoria weren't coming in with them.  
  
"Where's my mom?" I tore my eyes from Aunt Ruthie and turned to Uncle Simon.  
  
"Your father was here, outside." Uncle Simon said the words so calmly, even though I knew he was saying my dad took my mom, probably at gun point, and probably to some run down motel by the side of some half forgotten highway where no one would ever find them.   
  
"Where is my mother?" I demanded. I hated that I sounded like a sacred little kid, but I guess that's what I was because I knew the answer. She was with my dad. And not by choice because she would never leave us. She would never leave me and Caroline and Brian and Rory Anne behind. Unless he took her and she had no choice.  
  
Uncle Simon took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair, making it stick up at wild angles. He looked really old all of a sudden, especially around the eyes. My dad must have taken Aunt Victoria too.   
  
"Your father, he's desperate. He feels trapped. He took your mother, and he took Tory. He had a gun so there was nothing I could do without risking their lives and I couldn't do that. Do you understand, Vincent?"  
  
I nodded. I understood. I knew far better than he what my father was capable of. Mom always thought he never hurt us kids, because we never told her that he did. He didn't strike us often, and I usually managed to draw him away from the other kids so he would go after me and leave them alone, spare them a beating, but I definitely knew what my father could do. And I knew he wouldn't hesitate to use the gun, service revolver or not, if he felt cornered. He would do what he had to do to take care of himself, and to hell with anyone who got in his way.  
  
"Vincent, I need you to look after the other kids so Ruthie and I can concentrate on finding your mom and Tory."  
  
I shook my head. "I want to help."  
  
"You'll help more by taking care of the kids. Vincent, they don't know hat's going on. Most of them are too young to understand. Autumn and Rory Anne will start asking for their mommy's soon and I need you to make sure they don't panic. Can you do that for me?"  
  
I nodded then. What else could I do? I knew what he said was true. Some one had to keep the other kids calm. And I couldn't pass that on to Caroline. I had to do it.  
  
Uncle Simon put his arms around me and I stiffened involuntarily. I took a deep breath and relaxed into the hug. "I'm really proud of you, Vincent. I know you're scared. I am too. But we'll find them and everything will be okay."  
  
I walked away hearing his words in my head. 'I'm proud of you, Vincent.' My father had never said, would never say, those words to me. No matter what, I would never be good enough for my father. I used to obsess about that, I'd lay in my bed at night, sometimes sore from the beating he gave me, and I'd think of things I could do to make him proud, just to hear him once say he was proud of me, or that he loved me. He never said either of those things, and he never would. And suddenly I didn't care. I didn't want him to say anything to me ever again.   
  
"I hate you, Kevin Kinkirk," I muttered to myself just before I opened the playroom door.   
  
*~Lucy~*  
  
Victoria held the gun, Kevin's gun, in trembling hands. I would bet money Victoria Camden had never held a gun in her life. She had probably never seen one up close and personal. I wondered if she would be able to use it, if Kevin made a move toward her.   
  
At that moment, as if he read my mind, Kevin surged forward. The shot rang out, louder than a fire cracker blasted in my ear. I jumped and my heart pounded in my chest so hard and so fast I thought it might jump out.  
  
When my vision cleared, Kevin lay bleeding on the ground, glaring at Victoria, and Victoria stood a few feet back from where she had been, her back pressed against the wall, the gun still in her grip. She hit him in the shoulder, a non-fatal injury but apparently enough to put him out of the game, at least temporarily.  
  
"Tory, Tory, look at me," I called to her, seeing how she stared at Kevin, at the blood. I needed to get her to turn away from it, and give me the gun before the reality of what she had just done hit her. "Tory, look at me. I need you to give me the gun so I can get the key out of his pocket and you can call Simon."  
  
"No!" She yelped and turned her eyes to me. She looked blank. Shock. "I can't call Simon!"  
  
"Tory, you an call Simon. Tell him where we are so he can come get us. He'll bring the police and they'll take Kevin away."  
  
"Jail is too good for him." She readjusted the gun, pointed it between his legs. "I have to make sure he never hurts anyone again." She took a step closer to him. Kevin whimpered and tried to draw his legs in closer to himself, make himself smaller.  
  
"Tory, no. He's down. Look at him/. He's in shock. He can't hurt us and if you shoot him now it's not self defense and you'll be the one in jail."  
  
"I won't kill him." She sounded flat. Unemotional. Distant.   
  
I wondered if she would do it, and I almost wanted her to shoot him. But I couldn't let her. I couldn't let her go to jail because of him.   
  
"Give me the gun, Tory."  
  
"No. I need to make him suffer."  
  
"Not like this Tory. Not at your expense. Call Simon or I'll call him. He'll bring the police and..."  
  
Victoria laughed, a bitter, scared laugh. "The police? He knows all of them."  
  
"And he's still not above the law."  
  
"He'll weasel his way out of it."  
  
I knew that was a possibility, if he could manipulate the right people. But all the cops in Glen Oak couldn't be crooked like him. "No he won't. We won't let him. Tory, he's done some pretty terrible things. He won't get away with it."  
  
I saw movement from the corner of my eyes, and even though it was only a couple seconds, it felt like slow motion as Kevin surged up and lumbered toward Victoria. Victoria screamed, I think I screamed, and the gun went off again. Kevin and Victoria both went down, with Kevin landing on top of her.  
  
Neither of them moved and there was so much blood I feared Victoria had been hit. I dragged the damn chair closer to them and put my foot out to kick Kevin. He moaned but didn't move, so I took the chance of pushing him, rolling him off Victoria.  
  
"Tory?"  
  
She opened her eyes, and her mouth moved but she didn't say anything. I nodded hoping that would comfort her somehow, and I stroked her hair from her face. She didn't seem to be hit, just in shock   
  
Kevin moaned again, his head rolling to the side. Drool dribbled out of his mouth. Good. Maybe he would be a drooling, jibbering idiot after this. I reached into his pocket and retrieved the keys to my hand cuffs. Finally free of the chair, I tossed it across the room.  
  
"I'm going to call Simon."  
  
"Simon..." Tory whispered.   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
End chapter 19. I hope you like it. This story is drawing to a close, but not to worry, I've already got a sequel rolling around in my head. ;) So please R/R and let me know what you think. Thanks so much! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com) 


	20. The End

Angry All The Time  
Chapter 20/20  
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star  
  
I think this is the end of this fic. Not to worry, there will be a sequel coming soon. ;) So keep your eyes peeled. I'll let you know in the summary that it is the sequel when it makes its debut.  
  
Chapter 20  
  
*~Simon~*  
  
I jumped at the sound of the phone, my cell phone. The caller ID came up unavailable and my heart raced. Could it be Tory? Dear God, please let it be Tory. "Hello?" My voice shook like an adolescent.  
  
"Simon." She only said my name and it didn't even sound like her voice but I knew it was her.  
  
"Tory! Thank God! Where are you? Where's Lucy? Kevin?"  
  
"They're here. Kevin's on the floor. I shot him." She sounded like a robot.  
  
I looked at Sergeant Michaels. He nodded, I nodded. He said something to Ruthie, but I didn't listen. I headed to his squad car and he followed after speaking to my sister. He must have told Ruthie to stay behind with the kids and Officer Powell.   
  
"Is he...Tory, is he dead?"  
  
"I...I don't know." Her voice shook like she might cry. I wanted to be with her, holding her, reassuring her, feeling my hands in her hair. I almost hoped she had killed him, because he deserved no less than death. But not at her hands. Please God, I said in my mind in spite of myself and all the awful things he had done, don't let him die. Don't make my Tory a murderer, even if he deserves it.  
  
"It's okay, Tory. It's okay. Where are you? Tell me where you are, and I'll come get you."  
  
She made a desperate kind of sound in her throat like she didn't know. "It's the Golden Star Motel. I don't know what room."  
  
"It's okay, I'll find you."   
  
I heard Lucy yell out "Twelve" from the background. "It's room twelve," Tory said. "Please hurry, Simon."  
  
"I'm on my way, baby. It won't take long. I'm with Sergeant Michaels." As if that was his cue, Sergeant Michaels turned on the siren so we could speed past the traffic. "I want to stay on the phone with you until I get there."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
How Ironic that a song called "Angry All The Time" would come on the radio. I looked at Sergeant Michaels and he nodded without a word. I shut off the radio.  
  
"We're almost there, Tory. I can see the sign for the motel."  
  
"Please hurry, Simon." She sounded so small. I heard Lucy in the background yell 'Stay down!'. So Kevin wasn't dead. I guess that was good. Michaels had assured me neither of the girls would go to prison if they killed Kevin, but they would have to live with the reality of it every day.   
  
"Over there!" I pointed toward the door displaying '12' in old rusted, almost unreadable numbers, and Sergeant Michaels directed the car that way. I didn't even wait for him to stop the car before I was out, ignoring his request that I stay put until backup arrived and the area could be secured.  
  
Tory opened the door and the phone fell to the ground behind her. I shoved my phone in my pocket and caught her in my arms. Her tears felt hot on the skin of my neck, but I didn't care. I held her tight against me and walked her away from the door.  
  
"I love you," I said softly because I needed to say it, to put those words in the air around us.  
  
"I love you too, Simon," Tory whispered.  
  
I wanted to ask her what happened in there, in that room, with Kevin, but I sensed that she needed this time to just relax, to hold me and be with me. And the cops would gill her for every detail soon enough, especially since she had shot Kevin.   
  
Lucy didn't come out until Sergeant Michaels came in. For a moment she stood by the door, squinting in the sunlight, and she shivered in the afternoon heat. I put on arm out to invite her to join Tory and me, which she did.  
  
"The kids are fine. All of them. Vincent is the only one who knows what's going on and I asked him to take care of the other kids. Ruthie is with them, and Officer Powell."  
  
Lucy nodded and rubbed her stomach. "Thank you, Simon."  
  
I brought Lucy into the circle of my arms and just held them both. I looked up to the sky, and gave a silent thank you to God, because both my wife and my sister were alive and Kevin Kinkirk would finally get what was coming to him.   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Well, dear readers, this is the end of Angry All The Time!!! *Pats self on the back* This is the first fan fiction story I have ever finished! I am so proud! Yay me!   
I'm also offering a pat on the back to each of you who has been riding this roller coaster with me. I'm sad to see Angry end, but the healing processes should be given their own heading at ff.net. And so it shall be. Keep your eyes open and your browsers pointed to ff.net in the days to come...I doubt I'll get to it this weekend, but one night soon, very soon!  
Thanks again for reading. You guys are the best. Please R/R, it means so much to me. Thanks! I appreciate you all! ~Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com 


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